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gift dilemma


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#1 beccas302  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 17, 2007 - 10:54 pm

My youngest sister (21) sent DH a message tonight to "expect a package in the mail by saturday". Now, I haven't spoken to my sister in almost a year and she has made it quite clear that her "friends" are more important than her family. My mom went through a tough time this past summer, and my sister only made it worse. Last Christmas, she sent everyone a card saying "sorry I f'ed up your christmas". So, I talked with my other sister agreed we were not buying anything for our sister because of the crap she's pulled in the past. Now I'm torn, should I send something up for my mom to give to her from us just because she sent something here? I obviously love my sister, but really don't like her one single bit. I keep hoping she'll grow up one of these days, but something tells me that her sending gifts is just her way of getting presents herself (yes, she's definately like that).

#2 JennG  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 4:54 am

Don't do it. If she makes up for being nasty over the next year then double up next year. It will not kill her to not get anything this year.. If you do not stick to your guns then she will do it again.. This is JMO.

#3 justjessie99  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 5:38 am

I wouldn't.....not after all that has happened. I would however send a Christmas card, at least to let her know you thought of her. Also it is way to let her know....not to expect anything else. hope this helps.

Jess
 

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Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. :smirk:


#4 Illinoismom  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 5:48 am

I disagree, she is your sister good bad or not, she is family, Christmas is not the time to tally everything some one has done wrong and just forget about them, It's a time for love and forgiveness and a time of giving from your heart.

#5 scrabbler  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 5:51 am

Giving a gift is from the heart. Thus giving gifts doesn't mean you receive physical gifts in return. I personally find the greatest gift I receive is giving a gift to someone who really wanted it..... I dislike giving a gift and getting "something" in return. That isn't giving a "gift". Instead, that is obligation.

#6 rimshot  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 5:52 am

I had some bad feelings with my brother in the past and cut him off. We just recently had started talking again as I decided life was too short to hold a grudge. Thank God I did. This fall my brother took his own life. Now when all I have is to look back and consider all that took place, I could see where he was reaching out. So my advise, celebrate your still having your sister, warts and all. This is her way of trying to make amends, whether she slides back or not. This year for Christmas I bought him a headstone for his grave instead of a present. Believe me, life is too short but regret is forever.

#7 scrabbler  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 5:53 am

I should have added, you should certainly thank your sister for the gift, unless it was a gift to be rude. Thanking does mean giving a gift in return.

#8 fluffkin79  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 6:27 am

She sent this 1 week before Christmas!? No, you are not obligated to run out, buy a last-minute "something" and hope it gets to her in time (assuming she's out of town). If she wanted to exchage gifts, she should have contacted you much sooner. (Maybe called and said "hi" on Thanksgiving) Do you even know what she might like? That said, if you feel it in your heart, send her something in return. Most people like gifts -it would be a nice thing to do. Just don't feel obligated.

#9 leefamily23  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 6:40 am

I think I'd send a Christmas Card, and then possibly a follow-up thank you card.

#10 Fishboysmom  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 6:52 am

My youngest sister (21) sent DH a message tonight to "expect a package in the mail by saturday". Now, I haven't spoken to my sister in almost a year and she has made it quite clear that her "friends" are more important than her family. My mom went through a tough time this past summer, and my sister only made it worse. Last Christmas, she sent everyone a card saying "sorry I f'ed up your christmas". So, I talked with my other sister agreed we were not buying anything for our sister because of the crap she's pulled in the past. Now I'm torn, should I send something up for my mom to give to her from us just because she sent something here? I obviously love my sister, but really don't like her one single bit. I keep hoping she'll grow up one of these days, but something tells me that her sending gifts is just her way of getting presents herself (yes, she's definately like that).


Just out of curiosity...why did she send your dh a message and not you?

#11 jbdinos  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 9:00 am

I have issues with my oldest sister and 3 years ago she said and did some things that are very hard to forgive. She attacked my family, me personally, me as a parent, my child, and my religion. It was so bad that I was in a bit of depression and turned to my pastor for assistance. He said I should forgive her and try to find a way to do so but that forgiveness and being so dumb to keep putting yourself back in that situation are two different things. So I forgave her because of her ignorance of who I am yet I will not associate with her or have her evil thoughts and actions around my children. The first year after she did this she sent gifts. I accepted them, sent a polite, "thank you so much for the gifts" note in return. I did not send gifts and have not received one from her since. Had I sent gifts I feel the abuse I suffered from her would have continued. Now she is attacking my daughter (age 19) because she didn't return her grandmother's phone call 4 days after her baby was born. They have no home phone and limited cell signal inside the house and it was 30-40 degrees outside, husband working and a 3 year old and 4 day old inside with her. And she is ungrateful, mean, and rude to not return the call the same day..... If that gives you an idea of why we don't speak.... So if you weren't intending to give a gift then you should not feel obligated. If it is truly a gift from the heart and she wants to use it as an ice breaker she will contact you again after you send her a thank you note.

#12 beccas302  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 9:06 am

Just out of curiosity...why did she send your dh a message and not you?


heh, she refuses to speak to me because I took my mom's side on something she did this past spring.

Last Christmas, after the card fiasco, I told her she should have come over and celebrated Christmas with us. She didn't need to bring gifts, Christmas to our family has always been about spending time together rather than exchanging presents (mainly because we never had money growing up heh). She blew me off completely, gave some excuse about spending time with her boyfriend and his mother, and said she knew she really wasn't wanted there (which wasn't true, despite everything she had done in the past, she would have been truly welcome).

I think I'm going to send her a very nice thank you card after Christmas and see how it goes from there. Maybe she finally is growing up, I can only hope so!

#13 hopeky94  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 9:12 am

Sounds like a sensible idea to me! :D

#14 cianco301  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 9:23 am

I would send a nice Christmas card...you don't really know what's in that package until you open it :yuck:

#15 Shortness  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 10:40 am

Maybe she feels bad for her past "activities" and is trying to do better now. I would at least send her a Christmas card now--and then maybe call her or send the thank you after Christmas.
If not today, maybe tomorrow...:mail:

#16 dmmiller  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 18, 2007 - 10:45 am

I agree, a nice christmas card now and then a thank you card after the holiday. :)

#17 Scanner420  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 20, 2007 - 12:16 am

Buy her a box of candy if you're really feeling guilty about it.

#18 alimfp  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 20, 2007 - 12:26 am

I'd just send a thank you card for the gift. :P

#19 oglitterkittyo  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 20, 2007 - 12:27 am

I agree with most everyone else. A Christmas Card and a Thank You card after Christmas. I have family that can be like this, as well. I feel that if she was really ready to make amends with you, she would have talked to you instead of your husband. I really hope that's not the case though, and she is ready to grow up and has gotten her priorities straight. I hope this all works out for you though. Happy Holidays! :)

#20 jarerice  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 20, 2007 - 2:21 am

She's 21! She seems very lost to me. I don't know about any of you, but I have been lost before. I didn't know how to get back. I think she is trying. I think she tried with the christmas cards last year. Give her a chance! Go see your sister for christmas, give her a gift about sisters like a charm, a book, a picture. Something she can look at and know that you love her.

#21 krissy904  OFFLINE  

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Posted Dec 20, 2007 - 5:27 am

Giving a gift is from the heart. Thus giving gifts doesn't mean you receive physical gifts in return. I personally find the greatest gift I receive is giving a gift to someone who really wanted it.....

I dislike giving a gift and getting "something" in return. That isn't giving a "gift". Instead, that is obligation.



I agree 100%. I don't think I could have even explained it any better. Every single time I give a gift, it is actually "I" that is receiving the greatest gift of all, in being able to find and give it to someone that I think will enjoy it.

I have had very few people understand this line of thinking. Thanks for bringing this gift of hope during this somewhat confusing time of year!
"I could have told you Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you"....blatant theft from the lyrics of Don McClean




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