Non-holiday holiday

[Princess7915]

Along the same theme as another poster - I am just not wanting to do the holidays. Spending four days on an island with a tropical drink would make the perfect Christmas however my bank account is in disagreement with this theory. But before we can even get to December, I've got to make it through Thanksgiving.

 

Hubby and I were supposed to go out of state to see his dad and that family - actually for the first time spending a holiday with them and I've been married 7 years. But that just got canceled. Though spending the holiday with them was not ideal it was a welcome retreat from my family this year.

 

All I really want to do is dodge the fam and spend the day eating pizza, watching movies and then head out for midnight shopping. This is something that WILL not sit well with my mother

 

Hubby and I thought about ordering in a pre-done dinner. we thought about going out to a nice T-day dinner. But we decided for as expensive as these options are neither one of us gives a hoot about it. I hate Thanksgiving food LOL Neither one of us really cares about the holiday LOL. We were only thinking about these things because you're "supposed" to do this.

 

Anyone else bucking the system or am I just a total weirdo? I can't be the only one who would be perfectly happy with a Pizza and my couch and none of the fuss.

[flosmoney]

Sometime you have to take a personal day. Unplug your phone. If you haven't told anybody about not going to in laws , pretend you are going. Order whatever you want, eat and watch tv or go the movies. Sometimes you have to protect yourself and stay home.

[hopeky94]

Sometime you have to take a personal day. Unplug your phone. If you haven't told anybody about not going to in laws , pretend you are going. Order whatever you want, eat and watch tv or go the movies. Sometimes you have to protect yourself and stay home.

Or along the same line as what flosmoney said-- book a hotel room in a city a few miles from where you live: far enough away that you're not likely to run into friends or family, but not so far that you'll have to shell out big bucks to get there... AND you can still go out for your midnight shopping!

 

I live very close to most of my family, and as much as I love them, there are times that I'd welcome a "necessary trip" to anywhere but a hectic, noisy, fussy family holiday gathering... so no, Princess7915, you're certainly not alone in feeling that way!

[dealluvr]

i have to work again this thanksgiving and this year we are going to a chinese buffet.i have eaten there and they make all their own sushi

[Princess7915]

Yeah I think living in such close proximity to most of "my" side of the family is what's bummin' me out LOL. We really are together all the time. Talk all the time. Facebook all the time. It gets to be soo much. So the holiday would be some alone time.

 

I feel so guilty about it - I know I should be grateful for every moment and all that. But sometimes you just gotta breath you know? I joke to some of my friends that "get me" (I'm sooo christina yang type from Greys Anatomy) that it's totally always the family that ruins all the family time.

[hopeky94]

Well, how about a compromise? I'm assuming you all get together for a meal... so get there closer to meal time than you usually do, be "super-helpful" in getting everything to the table and everyone rounded up to eat, and be one of the first to start cleaning up afterwards. Being busy with all that has benefits: staying on the move means you'd be much less likely to get trapped into a long, drawn-out conversation that's going to keep you there, and when everyone sees you "working so hard" they won't be surprised that you'll be tired and want to head home soon!

 

Another possible way to shorten the "family time" is to convince one of your friends that "gets you" to have a reason you "need to" stop by their house (or meet them somewhere) that day. Of course, whatever the reason is doesn't have to be something that will take very long... but "oh Mom, you know how Susie is-- once we start talking, we lose track of time and I'll be there all night if I don't head out now!"

 

Can you tell I've been guilty of doing stuff like both of these before?! And it's not because I don't love and value my family-- I just think some of us weren't made with the same tolerance levels for all of the "togetherness" stuff as others were!

[Princess7915]

Oh that is such a nice thought - but never gonna happen.

 

As of 6 months ago I don't speak to my aunt (mom's sister) who may or may not be attending T-giving at my moms house. So it may just be mom, her husband and my grandmother this year if me and my hubby don't go. So there is no where to hide. My mom is pretty much a latcher - I don't move and she's not there to chat about something or other. I swear she has radar as to when I sign on facebook - no more than 30 seconds and I get a chat window pop up.

 

IF my aunt does come to Thanksgiving, then she and her hubby and two kids come by for 2 hours then leave to go to her husbands family's house. Which leaves me to always feel like I have to spend all day at my mom's so she's not alone. Mom's husband comes to the table to eat then it's back to the t.v. for football - that's all we see of him (but it's not a bad thing).

 

This is why I'd really rather stay home. I have many happy memories of childhood holidays. Big family get togethers with parents, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. The last decade it's all just fallen into what is several hours of everyone pretending to be happy. Maybe some of them are. I just can't stand the sham anymore. We get together and do things that are fun through the year - I just don't see the point of this fake @ss holiday.

 

And I'm sooo sorry to unload here to perfect stranders - sometimes you just gotta vent.

[Stowasser]

Have you asked if that is what everyone else wants to do? I think all of us may find it interesting that some people don't really take to Thanksgiving and prefer to do something else. maybe your family might want to go out to dinner somewhere even if its the night before....I know when we were younger and much to the chagrin of my grandmother, we went to a buffet because my mom didn't want to prep Thanksgiving meal.

[leefamily23]

We don't do Easter nor the Easter food. It just stopped a few years ago so I can relate on how you feel about Thanksgiving. It is a nice break, but on the same token it never feels like a holiday. It always just feels like a regular old weekend and now that it's been a few years I kind of miss it.

 

As for FB-- you mentioned the chat. My adult step-daughter does that to me. I love her but I sometimes want to log in for just a few minutes and not spend the only moment I might have chatting w/ her. I keep myself logged out of chat at all times and only turn it on if I'm really interested in talking. This way I can enjoy my few minutes to myself and nobody feels bad thinking I blew them off.

[tokanm]

We always go out for Chinese food and to the movies, usually a holiday new release. We have done this for years. DS spent T-day with his g/f family a couple years ago and they do a traditional thanksgiving. He thought it "was lame and boring" and appreciates our tradition now:tongue1:

[AndreaInNC]

this reminds me of the movie Four Christmases ..

[Iliveforblckfri]

I love some of my family on holidays and not so much others. One year I asked my hubby what he would like for Christmas, he replied that he wanted to take a car trip with our sons and just escape. I put the motion to the boys. Give up Christmas presents and get a four day vacation with mom and dad. (We were camping) or stick with what we had always done. They voted for the camping trip. I returned their gifts and used the money for gas. It was the best decision we made. This continued for five years. Sometimes you have to remember, family is great, but we are great too. If you need a break, take one.

 

As far as messaging on FB, I leave my computer on all the time. If someone messages me, they don't know if I am on my computer, working somewhere else, or asleep. No one gets offended if I don't answer.

 

Good luck

[Princess7915]

I really appreciate that some of you have chimed in on this. Makes me feel a bit less "villian-ish" that I am just wanting to bow out this year.

 

So for anyone that cares about the ongoing saga - I did tell my mom two days ago that we were no longer going out of town and that DH and I were going to politely abstain from T-Day. She didn't take it well (as expected) but she attempted a good front.

 

Yesterday morning I got an email from her husband (it is not an accident I don't refer to him as my step-dad lol). It was sent to my aunt and I and the general tone was that we should put aside our differences and see how our not speaking is affecting my mother. - I suppose the man is stupid and assumes I don't know this? However he implores me (us) to come to T-Day and get along.

 

So last night was spend discussing with my husband WHAT I am supposed to do. I am HISTORICALLY guilted and bullied into doing everything my family wants - thus the reasons I no longer speak to my aunt however this is a FAR complicated situation that finally just broke. My mother and I, though I do love her - I'm certain you can tell that I have some "issues" with her. I don't dislike her - I just would love some "me time" but I never get it. NEVER. Everything is my family's way - a group event or it becomes a mass causality - as this is starting to.

 

I have a feeling my Pizza and cheescake holiday of relaxation is never gonna happen. I will, as par for the course, suck it up and get guilted into whatever THEY want. It's like the mafia. And it's exactly why I need a break. If you read about a T-Day massacre - It's me - I finally lost it LOL.

[mgmckny]

I really appreciate that some of you have chimed in on this. Makes me feel a bit less "villian-ish" that I am just wanting to bow out this year.

 

So for anyone that cares about the ongoing saga - I did tell my mom two days ago that we were no longer going out of town and that DH and I were going to politely abstain from T-Day. She didn't take it well (as expected) but she attempted a good front.

 

Yesterday morning I got an email from her husband (it is not an accident I don't refer to him as my step-dad lol). It was sent to my aunt and I and the general tone was that we should put aside our differences and see how our not speaking is affecting my mother. - I suppose the man is stupid and assumes I don't know this? However he implores me (us) to come to T-Day and get along.

 

So last night was spend discussing with my husband WHAT I am supposed to do. I am HISTORICALLY guilted and bullied into doing everything my family wants - thus the reasons I no longer speak to my aunt however this is a FAR complicated situation that finally just broke. My mother and I, though I do love her - I'm certain you can tell that I have some "issues" with her. I don't dislike her - I just would love some "me time" but I never get it. NEVER. Everything is my family's way - a group event or it becomes a mass causality - as this is starting to.

 

I have a feeling my Pizza and cheescake holiday of relaxation is never gonna happen. I will, as par for the course, suck it up and get guilted into whatever THEY want. It's like the mafia. And it's exactly why I need a break. If you read about a T-Day massacre - It's me - I finally lost it LOL.

If you go, set a time limit up front, and stick to it!! For years my hubs and I used the excuse that I was cat sitting for my mom and had to go check on them. Got any friends you can use as needing this kind of favor??

[smorebore]

What about a T-Day breakfast? Just you and your Mom......And you can go offline on Facebook....look at the bottom right corner of the screen.......click on the "gear"...turns off Chat....MAGIC!!!!

[tdanette]

The breakfast idea sounds great! It might make your mom feel better, knowing the 2 of you are creating your own traditions. Spend a few early morning hours with her and then you're "free" the rest of the day.

[Princess7915]

I think if I end up going, my best shot is trying to set up a time limit. It will help me keep as much sanity as possible. The thing I keep coming back to is I would like to see my grandmother.

 

I don't have any idea what time my mom planning on eating right now but it's usually early- as my aunt has another meal to go to. The usual time line is everyone shows up around noon - eat around 1:30 / 2 my aunt leaves around 3:30 and I usually stick till about 8. It's a long day.

 

Maybe if I figure out her plans are roughly the same - and I decide to go - I could show up around 12:45 and plan to leave around 3:30 or so. That would be doable. About 3 hours in. Not too much lingering around before or after meal time but long enough to not be eat and run rude. That still gives me time to get home and check my pets and stuff and decompress before heading out to shop

[guilliam]

I feel your pain I'm having similiar issues this year but instead of it being an aunt, it's a sister. No matter what my sister does, she is perfect, but if I do anything my parents don't agree with, I get screamed at by them. My sister has been fired from every job she's ever had, I had the same job for 20 yrs until I got laid off and now I will graduated nursing school on Dec 13 (YAY!!) but I'm the one who gets treated like a child. There was a blow up over the summer and I told my husband I am done dealing with it all and I have not seen much of any of them since. On Thanksgiving all I want to do is stay home with the kids, but I'll be the terrible villian if I don't show up at my parents Worst part is, it will just be me and the kids since DH has to work 3-11 that day and my parents run their mouths to me more when he's not around.

 

I really appreciate that some of you have chimed in on this. Makes me feel a bit less "villian-ish" that I am just wanting to bow out this year.

 

So for anyone that cares about the ongoing saga - I did tell my mom two days ago that we were no longer going out of town and that DH and I were going to politely abstain from T-Day. She didn't take it well (as expected) but she attempted a good front.

 

Yesterday morning I got an email from her husband (it is not an accident I don't refer to him as my step-dad lol). It was sent to my aunt and I and the general tone was that we should put aside our differences and see how our not speaking is affecting my mother. - I suppose the man is stupid and assumes I don't know this? However he implores me (us) to come to T-Day and get along.

 

So last night was spend discussing with my husband WHAT I am supposed to do. I am HISTORICALLY guilted and bullied into doing everything my family wants - thus the reasons I no longer speak to my aunt however this is a FAR complicated situation that finally just broke. My mother and I, though I do love her - I'm certain you can tell that I have some "issues" with her. I don't dislike her - I just would love some "me time" but I never get it. NEVER. Everything is my family's way - a group event or it becomes a mass causality - as this is starting to.

 

I have a feeling my Pizza and cheescake holiday of relaxation is never gonna happen. I will, as par for the course, suck it up and get guilted into whatever THEY want. It's like the mafia. And it's exactly why I need a break. If you read about a T-Day massacre - It's me - I finally lost it LOL.

[bamaboundmommy]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is dreading the holidays. My husband's father and step-mother are coming up to our house from Thanksgiving Day until Sunday night. They are horrible and very cruel and I am already on edge and they haven't even arrived. They invited themselves up after having a temper tantrum on the phone because they were angry about our Christmas plans. My dear husband was screamed at over the phone and then was told we were not welcome to stop at their house on our way back from Disney. (His folks are angry that we are going to Disney with his aunt and cousin that they hate) Then they felt guilty several days later and asked if they could come up. They are unkind to all of us.It's very hard for me to bite my tongue sometimes. I normally love the holidays but I am feeling so blue right now and the holidays haven't even arrived yet. I really could just cry.

[Princess7915]

I think the answer for all of us is just copious amounts of liquor LOL

[bamaboundmommy]

I think the answer for all of us is just copious amounts of liquor LOL

I bet I drink no more than a glass of wine a month. Pretty sure that while my in-laws are here there will be a few bottles of wine consumed lol! I warned my hubby that if my in-laws misbehave Thursday that I may have to go into work and work in my classroom for a bit.

[josetann]

I will graduated nursing school on Dec 13 (YAY!!)

Simple solution! Get a couple years of experience under your belt, start travel nursing, and make sure you're always on a travel assignment far away during Thanksgiving (and any other time of the year you need to be away). "Gee family, I really really wish I could make it home for Thanksgiving, but even if I somehow got the day off, I'm 3,000 miles away. Maybe next year...."

 

Ok, an even simpler solution is to just work a normal staff job and volunteer to work that day. Shouldn't be hard...you'd probably be made to work most major holidays anyways, especially if you're the newbie. "Sorry guys, I'd love to make Thanksgiving/Christmas/other major holiday, but darn it, people are so inconsiderate and get sick/have babies/etc. even if it's a major holiday, and being the newbie I gotta be the nurse who's there taking care of all those inconsiderate patients. My manager is confident I'll get Thanksgiving off sometime in the next decade though!"

[DivaOfDeals]

My ex husband always insisted we see his family on Thanksgiving, and I was not allowed to "camp out" for Black Friday until late Thursday night. So glad I won't have that problem this year especially with the stores open earlier. He doesn't get it - every day is about my family to me, not Thanksgiving. You cherish your family every day. I'm going to make a full Thanksgiving feast for my new fiancé and kids later and am camping Wednesday night with his blessing! All I want to do Thanksgiving is make the sacrifice with a bottle of water, granola bars, and the cold so my loved ones can have a better Christmas. Meanwhile I am thankful for them every day, and this is one way I want to show it!