leefamily23 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Okay my mom and I were having a conversation today. I only have 1 sibling. Anyhow, she now has 3 kids and I have 1 child. Well back when we each only had 1 child we started a trend of spending $200 per kid for Christmas gifts. Then she had another, and I didn't know how to tell her I thought we needed to cut back then. Anyhow, now this year I'll have 3 kids in her family to buy for. To keep tradition- I'd have to spend $600.00 for her kids while she only has my 1 to buy for. I really want to approach her about spending less on my son and then I'll be able to afford to keep it fair across the board w/ her kids. I just can't do $600.00 for her kids alone. I was thinking about approaching her about taking it down to $75-100 for my son- and then I'll do the same on each of her kids. She's already mad at my mother-- because my mom went the wrong route w/ it. She told my sister it wasn't fair that she spend so much more on her family than mine. So, she was going to cut each of her kids back and not my son. Rather, I think my mother should of set a budget she could afford and break it up equally between the grandkids no matter which family they are in. So now my sister is already mad about Christmas....and I still need to approach her. How do other families handle this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twilightcalm Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 I too have an only child. I am glad she is an adult now! My brother has "5" kids(3 biological and 2 siblings of the biological kids). I found myself spending way to much on them at Christmas. 3 years ago I started something a little different. I give them each 3 gifts. Something they can use but don't want(fancy underwear and socks, sheets,pj's, books etc.) Something they can use and do want(coats, clothes) and 1 gift card to somewhere they like. There is a new baby girl this year and she is getting a case of diapers in stead of underwear. Sis should realize that having more kids was her choice. You should be free to love and spoil them within "your" budget. Grandma should pick an amount per child and stick with it. She would be giving giftsx4 even if you had 2 other siblings. The presents are per child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vsa3janes Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 With the economy impacting everyone this would be the perfect year to bring up the subject. Perhaps you could just let her know like everyone you are feeling the pinch and wanted to talk about Christmas and adjusting the budget per child. Perhaps if you approach it from an economy viewpoint instead of "fairness" she will be more receptive. Gift giving and what everyone's opinion of fairness is a touchy subject. I know last year for the first time my extended family started picking name and already this year the topic has become a sore subject for some. It is sort of the same as with you & your sister. Some have 4 kids and others have one or none but the people with more kids thing everyone should buy for all the kids. I can't even get started on the subject. Let's just say it sucks the joy right out of the season. Good luck with your conversation. I hope it doesn't cause any other hard feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KBsDarling Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 i am an only and my daughter is an only so its DH family that we have to wrry about stuff like this. His siblings both have 2 kids. When the topic of budgets came up a couple years ago I suggested a per family amount this was shot down as our DD would end up with "better" gifts since it would only be her and DH and I. Sis in law wanted a 100$ per kid min. and 50$ per adult ....we finally met in the middle at we only buy for kids now. Every year SIL makes the comment well we dont have a minimum so I just went to the dollar store when DD opens her gifts...Have trained my daughter to be nice and say thank you of course...Because she didnt get her way SIL will always be nasty about it. Just how it is The point of this rambling dirty laundry family airing is that some people will always be huffy when this subject is brought up. So if your sis is already in a snit...might as well bite the bullet and tell her you are dropping the price per kid amount. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guilliam Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Geez,, my sister and I spend $20-30 per kid on each other's children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gemini1567 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 I know guilliam, my mouth dropped at $200 per kid. Even my niece that I'm very fond of, I helped raise and is an older teenager, the most I have ever given her worth of presents is $150...oh, and that's not having any other close children to buy for! Anyhow, throw the budget out the window. Don't let money guide you, buy for each child what you think they would appreciate & enjoy, rather that is $25 or $75 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prissyturner Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 We have large families on both sides. When money is tight we get a big box (wrap the outside with Christmas paper)and put smaller items for the whole family in the box. The kids love it because the think they are getting alot. You don't have to buy high dollar items to go in this. Kids are happy with alot of Arts and crafts if the are younger aged. Or make a theme of it like movie night put one dvd in it they want and popcorn,big movie theater candy boxes(sold everywhere now),the flavorings that go on popcorn,etc. Hope this may help. Or simply mention to her money is tight and see if you can lower the amount of the limit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgmckny Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Geez,, my sister and I spend $20-30 per kid on each other's childrenI'm with you. I don't break the budget. ALthough I am the one with more kids, I don't expect my brothers to go nuts on them. Often they get one thing to share, now they are older I tell them to get them a gift card to either a big box store (ie Walmart, etc) or to Gamestop and then they can pick something together... I only have one niece and her gift varies from year to year.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princez916 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 $200 per kid??? wow! I spend about $50/kid for the ones in my family (there are only 3), and last year I tried to keep it at $10/kid for the ones in dh family (there are 8). My brother and sister get stuff for my kids, dh's family doesn't do anything. My opinion is you get them something that they will enjoy, regardless of $ value. If you find a great deal on something they really want, do you go by the original price or what you paid? If your sister doesn't understand the need to readjust, then that's her problem. Do what is within your limits, you have your own family to think about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leefamily23 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Share Posted October 11, 2009 Trust me I think the $200 is way over the top. There is 9 years between my 1 child and her oldest. So, for the longest time my son was the only child in the family at all--- and gift giving got out of control. Then when she had her's- and it was the first girl since her and I were kids--- well the trend kept up. Honestly, back when she first had my niece, we had more money too. We had better paying jobs, lower rent, no car payments....ect. I will try the "economy" route rather than the # of kids route. She never struggles around Christmas because her dh draws 4 weeks of vacation pay every year that she saves for this. He's lucky his employer lets him do that. It's like an automatic built-in Christmas bonus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msvagardener Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) We have a similar situation. HARD to not be generous during the holidays but truly this is but one day out of the year. My kids are grown but have young grandkids and young neices and nephews. We've tried the kids buy for kids, grown ups have a bring a universal gift we draw numbers choose gift from pile etc. We are a close family but it's still very hard to get a gift for kids they really want and be reasonable in price. ($200 per kid...CAN I GET ON YOUR LIST??? hehehe) We're trying for the last couple of years to have a family gathering no gifts since we don't get to see each other frequently. Some are fine with it, some are not. I make sure I remember all the kids (neices & nephews) on their birthdays with gift or money, which most in the family do not do, so in my mind they are remembered on their special day and Christmas is for family sharing time and not gifts. Not a perfect solution and some are not exactly happy with it but it's as "fair" as I can do. Of course our at home family gathering (our kids, grandkids, spouses) all get gifts from us just not the extended family who we do not see on Christmas day. I sure do wish for a better way. Edited October 11, 2009 by msvagardener Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laffnatu Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Wow! $200? I would use the economy excuse. We spend around $25 on each niece and nephew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrystalMae1231 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Okay my mom and I were having a conversation today. I only have 1 sibling. Anyhow, she now has 3 kids and I have 1 child. Well back when we each only had 1 child we started a trend of spending $200 per kid for Christmas gifts. How do other families handle this?I am in the same boat. My only sibling (sister) has 3 children and I only have one. She never buys for my daughter because she only gross' about 1k a month. She can barely afford her kids christmas. I never hound her about it. I understand. I have every year bought her child hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents since she couldn't and this year my husband and I were both laid off and can't afford to do that any longer. So I went to a 50.00 budget/child (of hers) It's amazing how far 50.00 could go if you watch for clearance items and coupon codes etc. I am already done with all 3 children and I was able to get them each an entire outfit w/ undies and 5 toys each to open with their large toy being about 20.00 each (IPOD shuffle for DN8, Optimus Prime voice changing mask for DNephiew5, and a Diego Mountain for Dnephiew4) IMHO I would do between 50-100/child. I would just approach her and let her know now that kids are getting older and economy isn't doing so well lets teach them more about family rather than what they receive as Christmas gifts. Hope she understands. Good luck with your situation, I hope all works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speeddiva Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 What would happen if you don't discuss it with her and just do what you feel comfortable with? I know it sounds cowardly, but it would at least postpone the ugliness until the last minute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elena_398 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I only have an older sister. She has 3 children. Son age 10 and twin daughters age 6. I have 2 children ages 15 and 9. Its so hard (and expensive) to buy for my nieces... They both get christmas presents AND a birthday present one week later. Their birthdays are New Years Eve. My sister doesn't understand the strain it is for my family and she got insulted one year when just got a little bit bigger gifts for them on christmas and said Happy Birthday also. (they were $40 toys and each got one). She told me that the girls would be disappointed then on their birthday when they didn't have anything to open from aunt elena. UGH. With money the way it is, I just can't believe she still expects it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstluvem Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Our family is large on both sides.....a few years back, our oldest daughter suggested a Secret Santa for everyone in the family. Limits of $50.00 dollars for adults and $25.00 for kids,we have a dinner in October to draw names and then we decide whats on the menu ,decide who's house,and who's cooking/clean up etc.. This has been so fun for all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berry1014 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 So far we are the only couple with more then 1 child in the family. We do not expect other family members to spend alot on our kids and have even suggested joint gifts of books and dvds to help keep their costs down. There are not that many kids in the family so far (4 including our 2) with one on the way. We do not set budgets on what we spend on each other's kids since everyone is under different financial situations and some can not afford to spend much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmck Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I have always kept the limit on my nieces and nephews from $25-$35. I am not sure what their limits were but I think around the same maybe a little less. However, once they hit 18 the giving stopped (my BIL's idea). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doublehsmom Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I only spend about 25-30 on my niece yeah I only have one but I have three children of my own and I know that my dh brothers can't afford to spend much on my kids and that is fine with me. My children are the only grandchildren on my side of the family and I know that my brother and sister go WAY over board however neither one of them have kids or a gf or bf of their own to spend on and thats what they have chosen to spend we didn't set a limit. If they decided to drop down in price I will totally understand that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tn20 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 WOW- $200! I want you to adopt me, too! My sister has 1 daughter and I currently have 4 kids (this varies, because I'm a foster mom- I have 2 of my own, though). We don't have any required minimum or maximum amount for the kids' gifts, but I generally spend $50-$75 on my neice... my sister usually spends $15-$20 on each of my kids. This year will be less because she is laid off. When she asks what my kids would like, I plan on telling her items that are no more than $10. Honestly, it doesn't mean anything to me that her daughter gets more expensive items than my kids do. If I were to spend $10 on my neice, my sister wouldn't think anything about it, either. We do have a maximum for adult gifts exchanged between adults, though. DH and I buy one thing each for my sister, her hubby, my mom, and my step-dad. They do the same. We have a $5 per person limit, so 4 gifts for $20. Then we have a competion to see who buys the best gift with the $5. I always win because I find things on clearance. Last year, my tatooed, Harley driving BIL got one of those Guitar Hero Air Guitars (was about $30, WM.com had them for $5) and my sister got a book called The Cookie Sutra- fully illustrated with Gingerbread cookies, well, you get the idea...). My step-dad got a sling shot monkey that screams when you fling it. And my mom, who has a strange sense of humor, got a book called, "The Bunny Suicides" or something like that.... a whole book with illustrations showing bunnys spearing themselves on light sabers, jumping into blenders and all kinds of other crazy things. This year, a local store was clearancing out holiday items for .10 each a week after New Years (it was mostly stuff nobody else wanted), so everyone is getting HUGE gift bags with the craziest Christmas ornaments, decorations, etc. Like my sister will get a gorilla singing "Its a Wonderful Life" while BIL gets a rocker snowman singing "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree," among other things. It is SOOO much fun and everyone puts so much thought and effort into everyone elses gift... unlike before when we all got each other bath gift sets. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MingMingDucklin Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Okay my mom and I were having a conversation today. I only have 1 sibling. Anyhow, she now has 3 kids and I have 1 child. Well back when we each only had 1 child we started a trend of spending $200 per kid for Christmas gifts. Then she had another, and I didn't know how to tell her I thought we needed to cut back then. Anyhow, now this year I'll have 3 kids in her family to buy for. To keep tradition- I'd have to spend $600.00 for her kids while she only has my 1 to buy for. I really want to approach her about spending less on my son and then I'll be able to afford to keep it fair across the board w/ her kids. I just can't do $600.00 for her kids alone. I was thinking about approaching her about taking it down to $75-100 for my son- and then I'll do the same on each of her kids. She's already mad at my mother-- because my mom went the wrong route w/ it. She told my sister it wasn't fair that she spend so much more on her family than mine. So, she was going to cut each of her kids back and not my son. Rather, I think my mother should of set a budget she could afford and break it up equally between the grandkids no matter which family they are in. So now my sister is already mad about Christmas....and I still need to approach her. How do other families handle this?Ok , I have one , my step sister has 3 , and my brother has 5 lol what you do is DO NOT SET SPENDING LIMITS , just simply ask each kid what they want and buy it. That was everyone gets what they want and you don't go broke lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MingMingDucklin Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Also if she gets mad over the amount you are able/willing to spend... well just remind her the season is not about the gifts and everyone SHOULD be grateful no mater what type of gift they end up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aleighc1 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 That is crazy! In my family we have 3 families that have 1 child each. Then there is DH and I; we have 6! I always tell people to please consider group gifts instead of individual gifts. 1.) I don't want people to go broke buying our kids gifts. We chose to have that many, and we don't expect anyone to make financial sacrifices to give them presents. 2.) It cuts down on clutter. With 6 kids, the toys pile up FAST. They just don't need that much stuff. Some family members go with a group gift (usually a game or a DVD, then something small for each kids that costs under $5), and some still buy gifts for each of them. I really don't care what people spend, and most importantly, my kids don't care either. Tell your sister the money just is not there to do the gifts in that price range. Perhaps tell her what you can afford to spend, and then suggest she think about doing the same for your child. If she gets huffy, oh well. It's silly to go in debt for Christmas presents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leah_steven Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I have 4 kiddos, and my bil & bro only have 1. my sil has 2. I buy what I can afford, and they do the same. The one thing I HATE is when someone buys my kids a joint gift that they can't all enjoy. For example, I have 3 with the same bdays ages 9, 6 & 4. we had a party this past weekend and they got a wii game. only 1 will like it. It came from a friend, but the game was only 10 and I have spent over 60 in gifts for her kids bdays. not that I expect her to spend the same amount i spent, she could have gotten them a gift from the dollar store that they would have enjoyed much more. makeup for the younger two, and anything boyish for the older one. I think a gift should be more specific for the child, no matter the price. I never am able to set a price for my 2 nieces as I can only get them something little as i never have enough money. Last year I went to aeropostale and got them 3 camis, and 2 shirts a piece and spent less than 25 for all of it. This year I plan on spending a full 50 on each of them, as they are older now, and I haven't been able to spend alot on them in a very long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leefamily23 Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 I wish I could avoid the subject, but I won't be able to. Unfortunately, we've heard the stories too often about how she spends "XYZ" on their nieces/nephews in her dh's family and yet her kids only get "XYZ" spent on them. I'm going to use the economy rather than the fact she has more kids now and see how that works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princez916 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I wouldn't worry about "how it works". It's your money, you can do with it as you wish. It's not for her to dictate. She'll have to get over herself, and if she can't, it's her problem, not yours. You have to do what you can afford to do. If she measures your love by the amount of $$ you spend on her kids, then she's got issues. As long as you're getting them something they want and will enjoy, the amount shouldn't matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohitsunshine Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 $200 is a lot of money to be spending on nieces and nephews! Wow! Our family does not set a budget - we buy what we are comfortable with buying. I have one sister no kids, so she gets something for her. I have another sister with 2 kids- so they get a couple toys or clothes, and her and her husband get a package gift. Something for both of them. I have 3 kids, and usually they just get something for each of my kids. Some years one of us may get more than the other but we all know how the economy is, who just bought a house, who lost hours at work, etc. I think that we are all thankful that we get to give each other anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy72 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 my husband is from a big family...1 of 9 kids.......and tons of nieces and nephews....so what we have done for yrs is put the adults in a drawing and they get $20 gift and we all buy every kid a $5 item..that way it is fair to all..and of course we all get the parents something besides who ever has their name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbowman6827 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I have two brothers and one sister. My two brothers do not have kids yet, but my sister has 3. We have 2 children. The way we do it is that my sister and I buy for each others children with no spending limits. We simply get them either what they ask for or what we think that they would like. I usually spend around $20-$30 apiece on hers and she usually spends about $10-$20 apiece on mine. My brothers do not buy for either of our children. This may change once they start having children, but for now this works for us. We tell the kids that Christmas is a celebration of Jesus' birthday and being together as a family...the gifts are just an added bonus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pogiporkchop Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 DH's family gets things from us year round (huge boxes) so it's Christmas every time we send one out I buy for my brother even though I know he can't afford anything for us and I'm fine with it. My sister... doesn't buy for me or mine and I don't for her and we're fine with it. We also make sure the kids know that Christmas is not about the gifts. Personally, it's extra special because my dad was a Christmas baby :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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