amyelizabethau Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 First off, I searched to see if there was a thread about this already, but I came up blank. I was wondering if anyone out there draws names for the immediate family for gifts. In the past our family has just always bought for everyone. I'm only 25 and for the past 9 years I've saved money throughout the year and bought for Mom, dad, (who is no longer with us this year), brother, sister-in-law, grandma, granddad, aunt, and 3 cousins (basically the immediate family that lives in the area that get together on Christmas). This has been something that I have always just loved to do, but it does tend to add up to around $500 minimum. This year I'm just not going to be able to do that. I haven' had a job for the past year as I've been in nursing school. (I graduate December 11, yay!). Also my boyfriend and I just purchased a home at the beginning of October and our bank accounts are really tight until I start working. And in my opinion I'm not the only person whos going through a financial drought in my family. The aunt (with the 3 kids) that I usually buy for is going through a nasty divorce and her spending has went from spending like a lawyers wife to being a single mom and struggling to change her spending habits. My mom is somewhat struggling. And my grandparents live off retirement checks. I thought it would be a great idea if my family just drew names for gifts this year. We have brought this idea up in the past but for some reason my aunt always resists. She doesn't think it is fair for her "children" (they are 19, 16, and 14) because they will only be getting one present as opposed to them usually getting one from me, my mom, and grandparents (on top of the overkill that she gets them for Christmas). I was trying to think of a way to make it a more appealing idea for her, but I am kind of stumped. I thought that we could draw names and set a limit on the present and maybe also make a stocking for the person we drew. I would love to hear feedback from anyone who does this with their families especially those of you who transitioned from buying everyone presents to drawing names. Or even any of you that don't do this but have ideas of how to snazz this up a bit or make it cute/exciting. Sorry this is such a rather long post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmmiller Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 We have been drawing names for years. Its just too hard anymore to buy for everyone + kids. But lately we're doing kinda like a theives xmas exchange, DH and I will buy one man gift/one woman gift (label them as so) and then at the get-together we put them all under the tree and the kids pass out the gifts to the adults. The reason we do this, is cuz we have a fairly small family and we're always getting the same names and this was alittle easier for everyone. With everyone coming on some hard times I hope you dont face any/much resistance to doing an exchange. They can be a lot of fun, plus you can spend a little more $$ on one gift, than you would spend for 10. kwim? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gisellerol Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 well my family does it and we have a $50 limit and it has to be a gift card. we draw names as to who opens theirs first and then the person opening their gift has a choice of keeeping their gift card or taking any of the other people who have opened theirs... the very last person has the best pick of everyones card... in addition to this we have a $5 gift we each buy and do same thing with.. it ends up being really fun and its a game for us so we all have a good time doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zooee99 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 In my immediate family (mom, dad, sister, brother) we only buy gifts for the children (have been doing this for at least 10 years)- I have a child who is 12 and my husband has 2 kids (12 and 9)from a previous marriage and my brother has a child who is 3. And we just started doing the same for my husband's side of the family as well last year (there are 8 kids this year). It got to be too much to buy for adults especially when all they wanted were gift cards and most of the adults can buy whatever they want anyhow. So maybe suggest to your whole family that you only buy gifts for kids and set a dollar limit. (and kid limit in our family ends at 18). Then maybe do little stockings for the adults to exchange? I've tried to suggest drawing names for my husband's side as well but they are very resistant to it because then the kids won't get as much. Christmas is really about celebrating the birth of Jesus (not to get too religious or anything), and being with our friends and family, it's not really supposed to be about presents and how much each person gets and I think we all really forget this. Hope that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat07 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 For my immediate family we only buy gifts for my parents and then for the nieces and nephews. There are too many sibling (7) to get gifts for. Each year though we swapped baked foods or many a couple dollars in scratch tickets. For the nieces and nephews we draw names so each of the kids gets 1 gift for the other. We draw names on Thanksgiving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstluvem Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 we also have a very large family...we make out Secret Santa sheets for all the adults and the children we mail or drop them off. then we have a big Sunday dinner around October choosing a food theme ( Italian ,Mexican etc). After everyone has eaten we draw names and play games and select who's house the actual Santa swap will be at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tara3117 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 We're transitioning to a gift card swap this year. It's getting harder and harder to buy for the "kids" in my family since we're all adults now, and it's not really fair to my aunts and uncles to keep buying for the kids and we don't traditionally buy anything for them, even though we all have full-time jobs. I personally hate the idea of a swap because it makes it all about the gift and not about the giving, but it would be hard to get us all together to pick names and if we do gifts by couple, that just lends itself to a gift card anyway, so we might as well make that the rule. In your situation though, I would still give gifts to my grandparents, mom, brother and sister in law. I couldn't imagine not getting the people that are that close to me gifts. So if that's the case, you don't really have that many names to choose from and what's 4 more gifts, especially if feelings are going to be hurt. (Although, I imagine that your cousins would be just as happy not to have to spend the money either.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floridasun5 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Luckily, my immediate family is extremely small, however my dh has a huge family but luckily, they also live out of state However, when we did live in the same state, we would initially draw names, plus buy for the kids and it just got to be too expensive because the kids just kept on coming We just finally put our foot down one year and said we would buy for the kids only and thats still what we do, but since there are now so many kids, we also put a small limit on each. Maybe you could make the suggestion of only buying for the kids then, so the aunt feels good enough that her kids would get gifts from each of the brothers/sisters that are buying for the kids and that the kids can enjoy a nice Christmas gift without taking away because you also have to buy for the other adults as well. I actually have a problem with those that seem to get greedy at Christmastime because even though its nice to get gifts, that's not what the holiday is about. You are an adult now and really dont have to abide by what a greedy aunt wants. If you dont have the financial resources to buy for everyone, then dont! But, I would tell them in advance so they wouldnt feel obligated to buy for you as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmmiller Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Well if you have to do an exchange with everyone.. bake some cookies and give them a dozen each. Its a gift.. .No one said you have to "buy" something did they? Its the thought that counts, and you spend all day baking those cookies with love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairyprincess83 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 My DH has a large family on his mothers side and the way they do it is everyone that is out of school picks names and then everyone buys something small for the kids that are still in school. It works out really well, especially since there are only 2 kids left in school and none of the ones that are out have started having kids yet!! I'm sure once that happens everything will change. And luckily his fathers side is small so we just buy for everyone and my family is very small so we buy for all of them too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shopping mom Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 In my side of the family I give to all my kids and the spouses and any SO if they come to our house. The kids and spouses have a choice of drawing names or opting out if finances are to tight. The spending limit is $25-35 per name. On DH's side (DH doesn't do Christmas but I still go to the inlaws) I draw names with his mom, stepdad and imediate family They usuall buy for the kids. I exchange gifts with his Dad and stepmom and they get for all the kids. The kids are older and some married now so I look for some things to change within the next few years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princez916 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I grew up in an Italian family and when got together on Thanksgiving the adults would draw names, and if someone was absent they drew for them and let them know who they got. Each kid got one present when the family got together on xmas eve. There was a limit of course, but I was one of the kids so I didn't know what it was I tried to do the drawing names thing with dh's family one year, there are 13 nieces and nephews, it didn't work out too well. Some of dh's siblings didn't do their part so my kids went without. It made me really angry because their kids all got many presents (even though it was only supposed to be 1 per child) and mine just watched their cousins open things. If they couldn't get something, they should have told me and I would have brought something and said it was from whoever, so they weren't left out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emptynest-2 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 My family in Arkansas when we get together we buy for the small kids. And the adults we have been doing 'Dirty Santa" and have different themes each year. My family in Texas I buy for the younger nieces and nephew. One of my church family members sent this to me last week and if I may share it with ya'll > Subject: Think about Christmas > > Found this from Ben Stein - from last year but it hit me good and hard > today as I think about the pending purchases for this Christmas. > Many many years ago, the best gift we'll ever hope to receive was given > to a lost and dying world. > I myself am facing probably the worst financial time of my married life > and worry about what I will get those I need to buy for, but I am > considering deeply taking Ben's advice and giving my time - rather than > my money! Time makes memories, gifts get too small- break or get > forgotten. > > Just something to consider... > Traci > > > I keep seeing in the newspapers that it might not be a "good" Christmas > because while visits to stores are up, purchases per visit are down very > slightly. > > There is also some fear that it might not be a "good" holiday season > because fears about the housing correction will scare shoppers into > keeping their wallets zipped. > > I'm fascinated by this, because I have looked through a Concordance of > the Old and New Testaments and I do not find the word "shopping" even > once. > > I'm not sure when the idea got to be dominant that a "good" Christmas > was about total spending, but here respectfully are some alternative > suggestions: > > Maybe a good Christmas for this most blessed of nations would be when > we as a nation and as communities made sure the homeless had a warm, > safe place to sleep. > > Maybe a good Christmas would not be about buying your kids the latest > gizmo for listening to obscene lyrics, but about teaching them that if > they are fortunate enough to have extra time or extra money, they can > help out at the old age home or at the local animal shelter. > > Maybe a good time would not be buying your parents sweaters they will > never use, but taking a trip to see them and telling them how much you > appreciate that they spent the heart of their lives taking care of you, > feeding you, teaching you, putting a roof over your head, warming you > with their love and concern. > > Maybe the best time of all would be telling your husband or your wife > or love partner that you would be lost without him or her and that > you're sorry for the selfish things you did that year, and you'll be > better next year. > > Christmas and Hanukah presents rarely fit and rarely are to your taste. > They sit in your closet and collect dust forever. > > But gifts in this special, sacred time of love and caring to your > family, your friends, and your neighborhood - those are never forgotten. > They bring peace of mind for years. > > And I seem to recall from my vanished youth that this is the holiday of > the prince of peace, not the queen of diamonds. > > > © MMVII, CBS Interactive, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debbiedana Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Very nice emptynest! On my side of the family, everyone still buys for the kids (there are five). Only the adults draw a name. Kids still get too much stuff, adults still at least get something, everyone is happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kselzer Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 On one side of my family we draw names for the adults and the gift is $30. Everyone under 18 gets a gift from everyone, but right now there isn't anyone under 18. On the other side we've ended up with a buy crap from the $1 store or whatever cheap thing you have at home, wrap it, throw it in a pile, and go in age order to draw gifts. Then you can "steal" the "gift" if you want or draw another gift. This annoys me, but I have found it a good way to get rid of unused junk sitting around my house. We do this because one family said they couldn't afford the $10 gift exchange, but now they go blow about $30-$50 each year at the dollar store Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abentley Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 I did have my kids start to draw names this year, since 2 have left the nest, and 2 are still at home , to try to make it easier on all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elena_398 Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 My husband and I have small families so we just buy for them Husband's side: Just buy for His brother and mother (his father passes away last year) My side: My parents and sister and my 2 nieces and 1 nephew. Thats it. Rest of the extended family lives out of state (aunts, uncles, etc). They just get a card with a note telling them about the kids, etc and a pic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachieKeen Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 Would anyone care to share the games that you play for exchanging gifts? We are doing a VERY LOW COST christmas, and we want to make this fun for the adults, we love watching the kids, but we have a few young adults who haven't quite learned the joys of just enjoying the season, so I am trying to come up with a gift exchange game that we could play that might make this a little easier on the young adults who are just coming to terms of what it is not to be one of the "kids" anymore and getting only a $5 gift. I saw the name of a game, Dirty Santa, what is that? HOw do you play? We've always just done a general gift exhange, drawing names, and placing a price limit....in an effort to keep everyone happy, we are trying to spice it up this year, and I don't know much about these games people play... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy72 Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 we draw names on my husbands side since he is 1 of 9 kids....and we buy for all the kids under 18.......we buy for almost 30 people on both sides...the name gifts are min of $20 and the kids are ususally around $5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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