Silverstreak24 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 My husband and I have very different families, but we really enjoy cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Last year was a nightmare. My father said nothing because he’s super awkward despite the fact that he’s known my in laws for a decade and my inlaws were rude to put it mildly...they made fun of my dad at the table, were obnoxiously loud and threatened to leave when we asked them to quiet down a little and my brother and sister in law showed up late so the food was cold...and when we were upset we were told it was our fault because we should have planned on them being late. So, my inlaws weren’t coming to thanksgiving this year because they all made other plans but now their plans have evaporated and they’re likely going to ask us to extend an invitation...we have other friends already coming and I’m honestly afraid to expose them to the chaos and rudeness of my inlaws. Any advice? Anyone else have crazy family drama? 1
tyreejames Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Our holiday dinners are always myself, DH, and the children just for this reason. I refuse to subject myself or my children to drama on what should be a day of joy and thankfulness. We have had comments from family members on both sides; we have held our ground. If family want to plan something another day and we are free, we will try and stop by. But both Thanksgiving and Christmas belong to us and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. 1
msyves Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 All I can say it set your expectations up front. Let everyone know what you will and won't tolerate. If they have a problem with it, let them know they're more than welcome to refuse your invitation. When you stand you're ground people can only respect you and know what to expect from you. I hope your Thanksgiving dinner goes well this year. 5
Kanyon71 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 I would just not extend the invitation, it's not worth the stress. When people are late they eat what's left now in our house. I've gotten to the point where I'm not holding up everything else for those who can't bother to be on time. If they can't handle being nice and not rude when in my home and they threaten to leave I honestly would have probably gotten up and shown them the door and went back to a good visit with others. At this point in life I value my family (wife/daughter) far more than I do others and I don't allow others to mess with that. This may sound rude, but I am very up front about my expectations and it doesn't matter what side of the family it is to me. 9
jesusluvu Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 I am confused ? This is YOUR house. You set the rules no matter who they are. I have family members that curse, smoke and drink., It is not allowed on MY property, and will not cross my threshold. I make sure everyone understands and have no problem asking them to leave or helping them out the door. This is your sanctuary and know one should disrespect it. Your husband should address it as you come first and it is his family. You deserve to be happy and enjoy the holidays. If they can not abide then more food for you....... Sorry if I was a little to direct but I got worked up just reading your post. 14
jesusluvu Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Still pissed off and had to come back... How dare they.... I wish someone would treat my wife in such a horrible way...... I would ....ohhhhhhhhhh and have the nerve to think they are coming back ..... Love my family but if they ever.... I do understand that everyone is not as direct as me but as men we are called to cover, correct, train, protect, love and provide. I have a saying : Silence will only validate - Action will terminate 8
Silverstreak24 Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 Thanks everyone for responding. I have realized that I’ve been way too passive for so long and my husband has been the same. He’s super different from the rest of his family. Thank you all for the awesome advice. I’m gonna tell him he or we need to lay the expectations and I realized yesterday that I do feel disrespected in my own home whenever they come over so I need to be more assertive too and if that makes me a jerk or whatever, so be it. Thanks guys. I feel much better about this. 12
jesusluvu Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Thanks everyone for responding. I have realized that I’ve been way too passive for so long and my husband has been the same. He’s super different from the rest of his family. Thank you all for the awesome advice. I’m gonna tell him he or we need to lay the expectations and I realized yesterday that I do feel disrespected in my own home whenever they come over so I need to be more assertive too and if that makes me a jerk or whatever, so be it. Thanks guys. I feel much better about this.YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!! You can be assertive and respectful at the same time, there is NOTHING to apologize for, hold your ground, smile and twirl if you have to. But rule your kingdom and send me a plate or two 5
msyves Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Thanks everyone for responding. I have realized that I’ve been way too passive for so long and my husband has been the same. He’s super different from the rest of his family. Thank you all for the awesome advice. I’m gonna tell him he or we need to lay the expectations and I realized yesterday that I do feel disrespected in my own home whenever they come over so I need to be more assertive too and if that makes me a jerk or whatever, so be it. Thanks guys. I feel much better about this.No apology needed. Sometimes people take kindness for weakness. So that's when you just have to let them know,You are the King and Queen of YOUR castle. 2
momlori Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 It is amazing the drama that comes out during the holidays. I have to put up with a lot of drama but thankfully not in my own home. My mother said my husband was bullying her. The sad part is I was right there at the time and all he did was state that it would be very helpful for us if we could eat at 1pm instead of 2pm twice. We gave up and show up for what we can and if we have to go to Jack in the Box to eat until we can eat with his family later in the day, then that is what we do. It is hurtful for me, but you can not change people. You set your expectations and limits and try to enjoy the holidays. It is only a few days a year after all. Good luck 2
LainieB Posted November 12, 2018 Posted November 12, 2018 I have in law drama too, but I go to their house so I can’t set any rules really. I just sit back, keep my mouth shut and laugh about it all later with my friends. I can’t imagine having them in my house. Best of luck to you! Be strong! 1
speeddiva Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 I have in law drama too, but I go to their house so I can’t set any rules really. I just sit back, keep my mouth shut and laugh about it all later with my friends. I can’t imagine having them in my house. Best of luck to you! Be strong!My in-laws are the reason I drink LOL I was thrilled when MIL cancelled having holiday dinners. Now we go to her house on another day, take her gifts and out to dinner with zero drama. 3
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