guilliam Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 DH and I have 2 kids, ds19 and ds7. DH thinks that since ds19 is an adult and has moved away to college that we should cut back the amount of $$ we spend on him for Christmas. While we can't afford to pay his college and living expenses, we are paying for his cell phone, car insurance, and helping with food and clothing. To put it lightly, he is costing us a fortune right now LOL!!! I have ALWAYS spent the same amount of $$ on each of our 2 kids and feel guilty about cutting his back and leaving ds7's the same. DH sees it as ds19 got that much (and more since he was an only child for 12 years) since he was born and now he should get cut back and ds7 should get the same until he is an adult. Is it ok to spend less on an adult child than on a minor child? Don't get me wrong, ds19 would still get a good bit spent on him, just not as much as ds7. So now, give me your opinions (Please be gentle ) Oh yeah, and just because I may let dh think we are going to do this, doesn't really mean I will since I do ALL of the shopping;) I'm undecided yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carheel Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 i got 4 kids ages 20,19,18 and 15 and a new grand baby, and i will spend more on the 15 year old even the baby will only get about 100 worth of gifts if even then as she is really only getting clothes and one toy and some diapers., but as the kids got older they get less than the minor children. as kids(adults) we got less and less. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
conj Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 it is not about dollar amount. it is about thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
citrixgirl Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 maybe instead of getting him alot get him like one or two big presents..... but i would say the amount depends on what the deals are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberjobryant Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Personally I would get him a couple of things that he wants, and the rest of it things that he needs (ie clothing, walmart gift cards, food giftcards, hygene items) since you are probally paying for that kind of stuff for him right now anyway, that way he still gets quite a bit, but you are not spending much more than you usually would on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissy72 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 I have the same problem as you and I don't know what to do either. The 24 y/o is married and the 19 y/o is living on his own. Still have the 11 y/o here at home. I will be reading this post a lot to help me find the answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdanette Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 I say DH has a point. My older kids get less as they are adults and are buying a lot of their own stuff anyway. Since you are already paying many of his bills, I don't think he'd begrudge his brother a few extra toys. It's not like he's getting nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrystalMae1231 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I would think if you were to ask him he may tell you to use the money for his little brother instead. Like your husband said he got x amount for 12 years. It's the little ones turn. I would def get him a big gift like a gaming system access. or something like that and then do the necessities and things he needs but wont buy on his own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cotejb Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I say buy him a few things wants but mainly stuff he needs that you would wind up paying for anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heatherbade Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My dh was an only child for 18 years. His parents now have a 16 y/o and 18 y/o. Since the girls were born my dh has been pushed aside and treated like an 'uncle' instead of a brother. Of course it is your decision of the amount you spend but don't forget his is part of the family regardless of his age and college fees. He just might realize the difference in amounts and have feelings about it. A kid is a kid. Are you paying for extras for the other kids? He might see it as the same thing. Good luck!!:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speeddiva Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I would still spend the same....you're paying for food & expenses for the younger one, right? And you paid for his cell, ins, etc BEFORE he moved to college I'm assuming...So, IMO that's a moot argument. I plan on getting the same amount of gifts for my college daughter as I am her brothers at home. Hers may just be more practical & portable than in the past LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockfordmom Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I agree that it's not about the $$. I have 2 kids very close in age and 1 much older and have never kept track of how much I spent as long as the 2 younger ones get about the same amount of stuff, and the older one does get less amount of stuff but his gifts cost more. Yes it's OK to spend less on them after they move out, he's an adult now. And how would he know unless you told him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstluvem Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I would still spend the same....you're paying for food & expenses for the younger one, right? And you paid for his cell, ins, etc BEFORE he moved to college I'm assuming...So, IMO that's a moot argument. I plan on getting the same amount of gifts for my college daughter as I am her brothers at home. Hers may just be more practical & portable than in the past LOLI am blessed we have 8 children...until this past year we had only 3 left at home,now we have 5 at home with 2 grandchildren. I always try to keep the Christmas budget the same for each child/grandchild.I don't spend less on the single ones or the married ones who have childrenor the college students...never have and God willing will never have to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmck Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I have had to cut back this year. Four of my older children are married and we are expecting one grandchild Dec 2. I also have a 6 year old at home. My DS age 24 lives in Reno NV. I have talked to all my older ones and their spouses and they totally understand the need to cut back, and they all agreed that I should not cut back on the 6 yr old. They all had fantastic Christmas growing up, and want the same for her. I would say follow your heart. If you don't feel right about cutting the older one back a little then don't. There will come a time you may feel the need for the change. If I could afford to do whatever I wanted I probably would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guilliam Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 I would still spend the same....you're paying for food & expenses for the younger one, right? And you paid for his cell, ins, etc BEFORE he moved to college I'm assuming...So, IMO that's a moot argument. I plan on getting the same amount of gifts for my college daughter as I am her brothers at home. Hers may just be more practical & portable than in the past LOLNo, when he graduated in 2008 and told us he wasn't going to go to college, he had to get a job and pay his own car insurance and other bills. We did still feed him though and he was allowed to continue living with us at no cost. Wasn't trying to be mean parents, just trying to make him grow up as he was very immature. Well after a year of working night stock at Walmart he decided he wanted to go to college. So we agreed to help him as much as we are able by paying car insurance etc. And his younger brother is 7 so yes, we pay for his food and living expenses LOL;) We're not talking about buying him NOTHING, just cutting it back to a couple of things he wants instead of trying to keep the dollar amounts the same between the 2 kids. DH just feels that he has a job and is able to buy what he wants most of the time so it's time for us to cut back:confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speeddiva Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Ah, I see. Well, then I guess my advice would be the same as someone above then...follow your heart. You know best on how he will react to a change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guilliam Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 Ah, I see. Well, then I guess my advice would be the same as someone above then...follow your heart. You know best on how he will react to a change.I guess the 2 things I plan to buy him will probably cost as much as we will spend on his brother anyway LOL;) Just want to make dh feel like he has a say in it, but as I said, I do ALL of our shopping so I'll buy what I want to for them both Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speeddiva Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 We're really in the same boat, we pay the same expenses for DD, but since she's paying for all of her college expenses we decided to keep Christmas the same for now. I'm sure there will come a time when we will cut back, but not quite yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2maddynsky27 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 we have 18,17,8,and 4. dd 18 moved out before christmas last year and dh and I decided to cut back on the spending for her since she is an adult and she no longer lives at home. We spend half of what we spent when she was living at home and will do this with all the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyLaRue Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My 2 kopecs is if the adult child is giving you a gift then I would feel slightly obligated to spend the same amount. I.E: my friend gave his parents a nice sweatshirt of the college he attends. So if I was the parent I would feel obligated to give the adult child an equally nice gift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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