vsa3janes Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 My niece, age 30 & living with the guy she is marrying, is getting married in Nov. So my sil called last night to say she meant to mention it at the bridal shower I gave that "they aren't doing Christmas this year." With all the stress of the wedding she is just not aknowledging any birthdays or Christmas for the rest of the year. I had to bite my tongue from telling her how selfish I think this is. This is from the same woman that last week sent us an email telling us if we buy the $200 china placesetting from Macy's my niece registered for that we can get a bonus buy. Now, it isn't a money issue. She took money from the estate my brother left and put it aside for the wedding. It is the same issue it has been for the 30 years I have know her. She doesn't plan ahead, she waits to the week of an event to shop for everything and then blames her stress on everyone not understanding. Even if she doesn't buy for anyone else she should buy for the kids. They don't understand "her stress." Sorry for the rant. I just can't believe her! I wanted to say didn't you know Dec 26th of last year that Christmas would come on Dec 25th this year? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
conj Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 doesn't sound like you'll miss her much. probably the kids won't either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shopping mom Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 She sounds like some of my family members! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittySkyfish Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Maybe she'll calm down and surprise everyone with acknowledgement at Christmas when she realizes that she survived the wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanhawk Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Tell her you already bought her a Christmas gift so you can't afford a wedding gift, see how she takes that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josetann Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Well, what exactly does she mean by "not doing Christmas?" If she's expecting to not have to buy anyone presents but is expecting others to get some for her, then that's one thing. But maybe she doesn't want to have to visit a dozen people, go buy presents for everyone (time/money constraints), and isn't expecting to receive Christmas presents from anyone. If that's the case, I'd ask if it's alright to get her kids something (you mentioned she should buy presents for the kids, I assume you meant hers), and honor her wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vsa3janes Posted October 8, 2008 Author Share Posted October 8, 2008 Well, what exactly does she mean by "not doing Christmas?" If she's expecting to not have to buy anyone presents but is expecting others to get some for her, then that's one thing. But maybe she doesn't want to have to visit a dozen people, go buy presents for everyone (time/money constraints), and isn't expecting to receive Christmas presents from anyone. If that's the case, I'd ask if it's alright to get the kids something, and honor her wishes.She means we can do what we want but she isn't buying gifts. After 30 years she knows we have a small family and buy for everyone. She has the most kids, 3, all grown. We only meet at my Mom's house Christmas afternoon so there isn't a lot of running around. On her side she has an elderly Mom & brother that live together 3 blocks from her house. It is just the way she is. We love her but she goes off on these tangents about something all the time. She never thinks before she speaks, she just carries on and doesn't think how it might impact others. She will not show up with gifts. But her and the kids will be there and they all know no matter what she does we would not have gifts for them. It really doesn't matter, I buy for whom I want to give to and I like to give to them all. I just can't stand being the person she chooses to rant toward. Thanks for letting me vent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laffnatu Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Tell her you already bought her a Christmas gift so you can't afford a wedding gift, see how she takes that. Don't forget to take a pic so we can see how well she took the news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siczlo Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Tell her you already bought her a Christmas gift so you can't afford a wedding gift, see how she takes that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndreaInNC Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 oh good googlie mooglie - what a load of crap. I have 2 words for her WEDDING PLANNER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leefamily23 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Sounds like a cop out. Weddings are wonderful......but come on the world doesn't stop for one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eve Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 My niece, age 30 & living with the guy she is marrying, is getting married in Nov. So my sil called last night to say she meant to mention it at the bridal shower I gave that "they aren't doing Christmas this year." With all the stress of the wedding she is just not aknowledging any birthdays or Christmas for the rest of the year. I had to bite my tongue from telling her how selfish I think this is. This is from the same woman that last week sent us an email telling us if we buy the $200 china placesetting from Macy's my niece registered for that we can get a bonus buy. Now, it isn't a money issue. She took money from the estate my brother left and put it aside for the wedding. It is the same issue it has been for the 30 years I have know her. She doesn't plan ahead, she waits to the week of an event to shop for everything and then blames her stress on everyone not understanding. Even if she doesn't buy for anyone else she should buy for the kids. They don't understand "her stress." Sorry for the rant. I just can't believe her! I wanted to say didn't you know Dec 26th of last year that Christmas would come on Dec 25th this year?getting married in Nov. so that still leaves almost a month to de stress and get on with life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ann129 Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 question???? you said all 3 of her kids are grown? are they going to be doing Christmas? What about the one that actually is going through the stress of getting married? well may be you could send her an email saying you know how very hard and stressful the next few months will be on her. Express your concern about her missing all of the fun of the holidays. may be suggest you two get a massage and go shopping together or something. i think the crap she is pulling is bs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vsa3janes Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 question???? you said all 3 of her kids are grown? are they going to be doing Christmas? What about the one that actually is going through the stress of getting married? well may be you could send her an email saying you know how very hard and stressful the next few months will be on her. Express your concern about her missing all of the fun of the holidays. may be suggest you two get a massage and go shopping together or something. i think the crap she is pulling is bs I had enough and I sent her an email, told her I understand the days ahead will be stressful, but since the wedding was planned in Feb I thought it was selfish to not think of others, especially since we gave her daughter a shower and that if they aren't buying Christmas gifts it was rude to send an email to all the family member telling them Macys had a "special" if we each purchased the $200 placesettings the bride-to-be has on her registry. I also told her since her daughter is the last one to marry this isn't anything other family members have went through and no one else felt it necessary to not do Christmas even though they had Nov, Jan & Feb wedding dates. It just takes some planning and thinking of others. The 2 grown nephews have pretty much burned their gift receiving bridges. They both work fulltime, have more money that most of us yet never even buy gifts for the kids or their Grandma. Funny though they always buy gifts for each other. So it isn't that they don't give gifts, they just don't give to us. You would never know we are the only family that has been around them their entire lives. SIL family lives out of state and they see them maybe once every 2 0r 3 years. Oh well, I decided long ago she wasn't ruining my holiday spirit. I enjoy gift giving and will continue to do so. If it make them feel guilty to receive that is on them. By the by, she hasn't answered my email. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rogue1230 Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 getting married in Nov. so that still leaves almost a month to de stress and get on with lifeI have to agree, I married dec. 30th! and it was stressful, but that was my choice. And I certainly did not skip christmas for anyone~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveblkfriday Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 my family has actually decided this year to not buy any gifts for anyone but the kids in the family which is understandable but skipping Christmas there is more to Christmas than buying gifts to me and my family gifts are not important to us but I couldn't live w/o being with family having dinner and just fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happysunshine28 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Does she have grand kids? I hope not. Well if she isnt doing christmas then she shouldn't be attending the family chistmas function, her loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eve Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I had enough and I sent her an email, told her I understand the days ahead will be stressful, but since the wedding was planned in Feb I thought it was selfish to not think of others, especially since we gave her daughter a shower and that if they aren't buying Christmas gifts it was rude to send an email to all the family member telling them Macys had a "special" if we each purchased the $200 placesettings the bride-to-be has on her registry. I also told her since her daughter is the last one to marry this isn't anything other family members have went through and no one else felt it necessary to not do Christmas even though they had Nov, Jan & Feb wedding dates. It just takes some planning and thinking of others. The 2 grown nephews have pretty much burned their gift receiving bridges. They both work fulltime, have more money that most of us yet never even buy gifts for the kids or their Grandma. Funny though they always buy gifts for each other. So it isn't that they don't give gifts, they just don't give to us. You would never know we are the only family that has been around them their entire lives. SIL family lives out of state and they see them maybe once every 2 0r 3 years. Oh well, I decided long ago she wasn't ruining my holiday spirit. I enjoy gift giving and will continue to do so. If it make them feel guilty to receive that is on them. By the by, she hasn't answered my email.good for you....they are a selfish bunch for sure,your nephews reminds me of my older cousins and she reminds me of some of my aunts and uncles i no longer do holidays with anyone but myself, i go over to my moms so she is happy (she also lives by herself ) and then go to my one aunt to see my younger cousins- i love them and buy for them no matter what every year, hell i pretty much raised them for a few years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vsa3janes Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 So.....the drama continues. SIL took it upon herself to share my email with my neice (the bride to be), well dn was so upset she called my dd to vent. "How dare I say such things! My feelings have never been so hurt." dd told her she only heard one side and needed to her what sil told me before she jumped to conclusions about why I said things I did. dn didn't call me she sent me an email saying if I thought gifts were all Christmas was about they wouldn't be there because she would feel unwanted. I sent a reply and copied the sections of my original email explaining imo everyone should buy or not buy which every they feel is right for them, don't feel you won't be welcome if you don't have gifts and told her the email wasn't about dn buying or not buying but the angry things her mother said in our phone conversation. At the end I said "I love you and have always tried to do for you but this is the last conversation I will have about this topic. After 30 years your mom should know my feelings - buy for who you want to." Too much drama over what is to be a joyful time. I am not replying to any more email from them about this topic. Should be interesting to see if they show up at dd's bday dinner in a couple weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess7915 Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 I would tell her that due to the stress of Christmas and Birthday you're just not going to be able to "do any weddings" for the rest of the year. And see how she takes that! I'd write her off, doesnt seem like that much of a loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gr8girls Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 QUOTE=Princess7915;1366403]I would tell her that due to the stress of Christmas and Birthday you're just not going to be able to "do any weddings" for the rest of the year. And see how she takes that! I'd write her off, doesnt seem like that much of a loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avsfan Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 I wish people would quit confusing "buying" Christmas with "doing", "enjoying", "celebrating" Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abentley Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 Well add my sister to the list of "people not doing Christmas" , again! She has been off and on for 16 years when my neices were 6 and 1. I have always tried to send fun stuff to the girls to try to make sure they have fun, but this year I am just frustrated. I hope even though they won't be "doing" gifts there are many happy times for them this season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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