Help! Does DS Deserve it?

[sinvids]

Have you all talked to anyone about how your son is acting? A counseler, therapist or family doctor. His behavior isn't normal and shouldn't be considered that way. He may be acting this way because he's suffering from depression or even dyslexia. It sounds like he needs help.

I suffered from Clinical Depression and Panic Disorder when I was his age. My parents didn't understand what was going on and I finally felt strong enough to ask for help. I am doing great now, but my high school years were hell.

Please get help for your son, you will be glad you did. And you should consider talking to someone yourself. Someone who can help you with the difficult questions and can help you with stress.

You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.

We actually have taken him to a school therapist as well as a psychologist. The therapist said he seems well rounded, just badly influeneced by his best friend. He was at a point 2 years ago where he didn't have many friends etc.. Now he's got alot of friends and I think tries to act cool around them. Talking in class, hanging out with them after school, not listening to us. We want to bring him down a notch, but don't want to bring down his self esteem as well. This is why we are having such a hard time deciding whether he deserves these items or not.

One good suggestion is to give the wii to the family. I love that suggestion as he never lets his sisters use his stuff most of the time. But I definately will be "holding" some items until his grades are up.

Man, were we this bad at that age???

[jax81772]

Just an idea... this is what we did with my ds12 and his cell phone. He started heading down hill and rocking the boat. We made him sign a behavior/school contract. If grades stay above a B and you hand in all your work (no zeros) you get your cell phone. If grades drop at progress report time, you lose it til the next progress report time. We havent given him any "big" things in awhile, because he hasnt earned them. We made our Wii a family gift. lol... you are going to want to do that... so everyone can play.... but put conditions on the other stuff. Id give him the smaller stuff and use some of the games/cds and such as incentives for progress or good behavior. If your having behavior issues at home, id make a contract at home as well. It seemed to help here since it was clearly designed to tell him EXACTLY what was expected in black and white... no wiggle room.... we just refer him back to the contract he signed when there is an issue....

[conj]

While this is not a bad idea - a lot of what is described is pretty normal adolescent behavior... maybe "normal adolescence" includes one or more of these issues... Depression and Dyslexia are two entirely different issues.

 

Have you all talked to anyone about how your son is acting? A counseler, therapist or family doctor. His behavior isn't normal and shouldn't be considered that way. He may be acting this way because he's suffering from depression or even dyslexia. It sounds like he needs help.

I suffered from Clinical Depression and Panic Disorder when I was his age. My parents didn't understand what was going on and I finally felt strong enough to ask for help. I am doing great now, but my high school years were hell.

Please get help for your son, you will be glad you did. And you should consider talking to someone yourself. Someone who can help you with the difficult questions and can help you with stress.

You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[mommyx3]

There is absolutely NO WAY I would give him the Wii. A gift is certainly an expression of your love for him, but why would you over indulge someone who is clearly not even respectful of you? I don't get it. If you feel you have to give him something big make it the monitor since you can at least link that to his education. Personally, I would have no qualms about getting my money back on the Wii and just moving on. Trust me on this one. I saw my niece get everything she wanted for Christmas and it only caused her rude behavior to grow. Why should she behave when she is going to get everything she wanted.

 

Think of it this way would you go to work (workplace or home) everyday and do your best if you had the opportunity to just go and exist there, not do your work, and be an overall pain who didn't listen? AND you would still be rewarded with a bonus-- why bother.

 

Sorry, maybe I sound kind of harsh here, but really what would you do for him if he was a well behaved child who did his best? And if he does this now and gets these benefits I really feel for you when your other kids get older. They have a great example in how to slack of and be rewarded handsomely.

[linda_loo]

Off the topic of the OP's question... I love this idea:

When my brother, sister and I turned 15, we also started getting *real world* gifts for Christmas and birthdays. A locker (the foot variety :lol ), sheet set, towel sets and the like. Mom and Dad figured it kept us grounded in the reality that adulthood was sneaking up, and by the time college hit we were stocked up.

[jenant06]

I was browsing through this forum and found this thread, I am having major problems with you my DD11. She was pulling A, B's and C's. Her one B dropped to a F and her high C dropped to am F. Ofcourse no calls from the teacher about her not completing callwork and homework. She is grounded to her room until next reoprt card (4 1/2 weeks away) has to study in her room. I have told her I was taking Xmas away all together. After talking to my Mom, I have decided not to take it all away but she will get things that she NEEDS and not wants. I can feel what all of you are saying. The attitude at home, the attitude towards her younger brother. Her famous answer to everything is I am sorry and I forgot. It does break you heart. Thank you for this thread it is good for me to see the different ideas that you all have.

[Shortness]

I like the idea of giving the wii as a family gift--and if it were me, he wouldn't be allowed to play it unless he had his homework done for the day. In our house, that is the rule all the time--no tv, computer or phone until homework and chores are done. Sometimes we bend a little, but so far the kids are getting good grades. I also like the monitor being a gift that could help with homework, but also please him. The rest being stuff he needs is a great idea. He definitely needs to get the message he needs to shape up. His current actions are not any that would help him with a job or college. Good luck with it all---I feel for you.

[bayhaysay]

There is absolutely NO WAY I would give him the Wii. A gift is certainly an expression of your love for him, but why would you over indulge someone who is clearly not even respectful of you? I don't get it. If you feel you have to give him something big make it the monitor since you can at least link that to his education. Personally, I would have no qualms about getting my money back on the Wii and just moving on. Trust me on this one. I saw my niece get everything she wanted for Christmas and it only caused her rude behavior to grow. Why should she behave when she is going to get everything she wanted.

 

Think of it this way would you go to work (workplace or home) everyday and do your best if you had the opportunity to just go and exist there, not do your work, and be an overall pain who didn't listen? AND you would still be rewarded with a bonus-- why bother.

 

Sorry, maybe I sound kind of harsh here, but really what would you do for him if he was a well behaved child who did his best? And if he does this now and gets these benefits I really feel for you when your other kids get older. They have a great example in how to slack of and be rewarded handsomely.

I agree with all of this.

 

If the Wii is something your other children will enjoy as well I see no reason not to make it a "family" gift.