rabx5 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I have 3 kids ages 19,18 and 15. My 19 year old lives on his own in a town about 45 minutes away. He lives with his girlfriend. Here is my question. I always spend the same amount on the kids-but I think now that my oldest is on his own, I should spend a bit less. Does that seem fair? I will be buying for his girlfriend too now. I just think that once they are adults, I should cut back a bit. I know my 18 year old is at home, but my oldest was home at 18 too, and I spent the same on him then too. Opinions please :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lennon2004 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I think it makes sense, but at the same time, young adults who are out on their own for the first time do need a little extra help (not that I'm speaking from experience...), and 'practical', helpful gifts may cost a little more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kandy Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I would think that for the 19 yr old practical gifts make more sense. My parents do stockings and one gift. * I am married and I have two kids.... the kids get more stuff though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbabral Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 My parents still give us as many gifts as they did before. We always get a few of our wants (clothes, iTunes, etc) and then they get us some things we would want for the houes that we may not be able to do on our own. (Last year a new bathroom set and new cookware) It's something we really look forward to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
conj Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Once you are own your own, the gifts usually go down some. Once you have kids of your own, they go down a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kselzer Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 imo - i would spend the same amount on him (or maybe a little less to go towards the gf's present) and buy him useful items for his new place. Like bath or kitchen towels, kitchen small appliances, silverware, pots & pans, etc. that kind of stuff. i would say next year cut him down on spending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneakers1234 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 They never know what you spend, only you know that. With all the bargains, you can get a decent amount of stuff and stay in your budget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockfordmom Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 imo - i would spend the same amount on him (or maybe a little less to go towards the gf's present) and buy him useful items for his new place. Like bath or kitchen towels, kitchen small appliances, silverware, pots & pans, etc. that kind of stuff. I agree. I wouldn't go overboard on the girlfriend, they are not married yet. But when you are that age wouldn't it feel nice to still get gifts? you are at the in-between adult/teenager age. Especially if you are buying the 18 year old a bunch of gifts. My 19 year old still lives at home, he doesn't get as many gifts as my 8 & (almost) 7 year olds but his gifts cost more than theirs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jax81772 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 This is what we did for my nephew... he was out on his own...early... long story... but .... I bought him a laundry basket... and filled it with things ... like ... kitchen towels... tp.... paper towels and plates... a can opener.... bathroom stuff.... his favorite candy/snacks... little things that some young men dont think they will need untill.... they need it... I also included a gas card. You could do something like that for him and then get him 1 or 2 somethings he wants... even if its new movies... and an inexpensive dvd player... someone had one for $20 on BF. We do a care package like this maybe every 6mths or so and on his bday and christmas... it helps him stretch his budget and he loves looking for the funky things I try to include. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockfordmom Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 You can be buying him things all year at Target 75% off on clearance for his house and saving them and then just buy them each a gift or two and give them all of the stuff you've bought and it will look like you've spent way more $$ than you actually did (just remove those orange stickers). I've gotten my son a fan for his room and other stuff that way. When I find things really, really cheap on sale/clearance & with coupons I always pick up a couple extra. About once a month when my sons girlfriend visits (she goes to college about an hour away) I give her a big bag FULL of stuff (tampons, mouthwash, toothpaste, airfresheners, and groceries...) and I give it to her. I've only spent maybe $5 on the whole bag full each time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shopping mom Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 We have six kids ages 23,22,20,19,16(almost 17) and 4. I am doing more for the 19,16,and 4 year old than I am the others. The 20 year old is married and I am spending the same on DIL as I am him DS 23 lives with his girfriend so I am spending less on her but I think she will be happy with her gifts. my mom has cut back some too and so has my MIL. You have to remember cutting back is relative though I can remember years it took us a week to put everything away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scanner420 Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 Kinda hard for me to answer that because my oldest is six. Not on his own, but he has a girlfriend!! Let's see......Buy him 2 things he wants, one thing he needs, something for the GF and something for the apt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auntsister Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 I have a 9 y/o at home and 3 that are grown with children of their own. I spend alot more on my son at home but still spend quite a bit on my others as well as my grandchildren. I try to get good deals and shop clearance all year to help a little. It depends on what they need. I have 2 daughters in college and they have 2 children each. I know how hard this is for them and respect their decision to improve their lives so I try to do more. Last year I was lucky enough to get one of the computers at Wal Mart for under $200 so the other 2 that are grown got more also just because one needed a computer for school. I think it depends on how much you can spend. Remember that they still think of themselves as just like the ones at home so I would try to avoid hurt feelings. I have also learned from experience not to spend alot on girlfriends or boyfriends of my kids, kind of annoying when they break up right after Christmas and I have spent way too much on them! Better to wait till they are truly committed ( married!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samisma Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 i understand the perspective of this... at the same time.. my first year out on my own was tough. the first christmas not living at home was a strange feeling because you don't know where you stand. i remember my parents felt that since i didn't live with them anymore, they felt it was appropriate to just send a card. can't fault them for that. but as a teenager on your own. i don't know. i think that your son would very much appreciate a gift card to a store he frequents (like a grocery store or walmart etc) plus probably something fun that he might want - he's a teenager. it's not til he's been on his own for a few years that he'll realize he doesn't want toys/fun things as much as he wants sock and gas for his car! as far as the gf -- i don't know. she's not your kin (yet) so i'd probably keep it small. but get them a little gift for their home that they can share. (and i don't mean tp) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motoXmom Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 We're going through this as well,our oldest just moved out this past June. I would like to get him a couple practical gifts- such as gas cards, gift cards for Giant Eagle things like that. Then probably for stores like FYI or somewhere like that so he can get maybe games or cds he may want but can't afford right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabx5 Posted November 16, 2007 Author Share Posted November 16, 2007 Thanks for your opinions everybody :) He asked for a few things they need for the apartment and he asked for clothes I was shocked by that. Of course when I asked him what he wants for Christmas- he said a PS3-he knows better-the lil turkey. I will cut back somewhat, but not a whole lot. As far as his girlfriend. OMG- I have no clue what to get her. She's a bit strange to me sometimes. Hard to read. I know she has several peircings-her lip (twice) and eyebrows and has those plug things in her ears, so maybe I can get her some body jewelry. Her style is a mix between punk/goth. I'm lost shopping for that stuff. I will ask my son what she likes. I do want to get her something more personal because she is a HUGE part of my sons life. That means no candles lol Thanks again Jodi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
conj Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 I wouldn't get her jewlery... thats an awefully personal decision... but maybe jewlery cleaner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcster Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 Thanks for your opinions everybody :) He asked for a few things they need for the apartment and he asked for clothes I was shocked by that. Of course when I asked him what he wants for Christmas- he said a PS3-he knows better-the lil turkey. I will cut back somewhat, but not a whole lot. As far as his girlfriend. OMG- I have no clue what to get her. She's a bit strange to me sometimes. Hard to read. I know she has several peircings-her lip (twice) and eyebrows and has those plug things in her ears, so maybe I can get her some body jewelry. Her style is a mix between punk/goth. I'm lost shopping for that stuff. I will ask my son what she likes. I do want to get her something more personal because she is a HUGE part of my sons life. That means no candles lol Thanks again JodiNothing says Christmas quite like a new shiny pair of plug things! http://s23.photobucket.com/albums/b399/Marcster2005/Smileypad/Holidays/opening.gif How about an MP3 player? I love listening to mine while doing chores around the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbabral Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 If she's into the goth/punk stuff how about a GC to Hot Topic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarerice Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 I think it makes sense, but I would make sure to get him something that he really wants or really needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auntsister Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 Oh my, I think my son and yours have the same type of GF! This girl dresses in black or dark purple, lots of flowy skirts. I bought her a long black skirt at TJ Maxx one year. It had an elastic waist so size wasn't a problem. I found a flowy peasant/ artist type top to go with it and she really liked it. I had bought her jewelry in the past and she didn't like it but she went and put her new outfit on right after she opened it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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