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Not into it this year..

Heather_0617

By Heather_0617
in 2012

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Heather_0617

Heather_0617

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Black Friday is one of my favorite days of the year, usually. I love Gotta Deal and a proud owner of my own BF shirt along with one for my Daughter. I usually watch daily for the new ads and download ASAP. The actual day really starts my Christmas season! The boys stay home and hang the outside lights. My mother and I head out. Then when we are done, she hides some stuff she bought in the garage from my father - that way he has no idea what she actually spent.

This summer my father suddenly passed away. He was an amazing man who was only 64 and a big grumpy teddy bear. I have NEVER had a Christmas with out him. He always came over before the kids woke or if they did wake up, they waited for their Nanny and Poppy to be here. Coffee for all of us adults and we start! He would sit at the dining room table, closest to the living room with his arsenal - Screwdrivers, scissors, box cutters ect... When the kids needed something opened, batteries put in or "some assembly" - they went to Poppy. Poppy could do anything and they knew it!

So this year sucks! I miss him everyday! I am not sure how not to ruin Christmas for my children, but keep it low key so not only myself, but my mother and sister can get through it. This Thanksgiving my mother is flying to see my sister, so this will also be the first time ever with out both my parents for Thanksgiving. I am going to a friends.

I know "it gets easier with time" and I know I must make this good for the kids - and I will.

Everyone, please take the time this holiday to really enjoy the memories you make with your family! It is more than the gifts, it is who is cooking and who is making the coffee and who is hanging the lights and who is doing the "some assembly" and who eyes light up when they know Santa came!

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Lauriesab

Lauriesab

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So sorry for your loss. There is no easy way to get through some thing like this but sounds like you have great memories of him. I too will be enjoying the memories made with my family and my mother, as she has been diagnosed with and fighting cancer and also we never know how much time any of us have.
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tyreejames

tyreejames

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I am deeply sorry for your lost. I lost my stepfather 8 years ago and I always think of him the most during the holidays because he always made sure they were a special time for us. It has gotten easier over the years but I honor his memory by continuing the traditions he started with my siblings and I with my own children. DH lost his father 8 days before Christmas and his mother 15 months later right after Easter so please believe me when I say I sympathize with your position. Just hold on to your memories and try to start a few new ones.
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jstluvem

jstluvem

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I am sorry for your loss...I am feeling the same way...last August I lost my last sibling ,my best friend my beautiful sister Donna....then only 3 months later i lost my Mom....Black Friday became a tradition filled with so much fun and the memories are a treasure I cherish ....the rollercoaster of emotions is so hard...I am the last one in my family I am truly blessed with an amazing husband and children and grandchildren so I am not alone and I know it but..sometimes I still yearn for their voices just want them to pop over.....to plan BF and to vent to eachother about daily life.....I love and miss them so much..I am trying to keep all 6 of my sisters children/grandchildren close but I feel like I am mending a quilt that unravels at the other end as I am repairing it....I look to the sky and know all 6 of my Angels are there keeping me....it helps to be able to "talk " to others who understand....I thank you for starting this thread.....just want you to know this year during the holidays a smile and a cyber hug are coming your way from the midwest..God Bless
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tokanm

tokanm

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Sorry for all your losses. I can so relate as my Dad died on 8/11/12. Several times I have seen an item and thought Dad would like this for Christmas, then I remember he is gone. Along with my Mom, brother and all 4 grandparents. I am hoping that they are in a better place now and are my guardian angels :(
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lcplwinkerswife

lcplwinkerswife

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My dad was killed last year on 11/16/2011 because of a tornado that hit our house . The holidays were so sad and dreary because he wasn't there . I know how you feel . He loved Christmas . Ill always remember him coming to sit in our den with no shirt on and his grey shorts with his big belly hanging out drinking his first cup of coffee at the crack of dawn . I miss him so much . I was a daddy's girl and my daughter loves her pawpaw . I will be thinking of you during the next few months and hope you find peace and comfort in the memories of your dad
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mcapel4444

mcapel4444

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:*( I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I know words can't heal or help your pain, but know that hugs & thoughts are coming your way. (((((()))))) And thank you for the reminder of what the holidays should truly be about- spending time with family & friends. My dad & I were involved in a rollover car accident two months ago, on our way to work. Luckily, we both walked away with minor aches & pains. But it really makes you thankful.
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AndreaInNC

AndreaInNC

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I know just how you feel. The holidays used to be my favorite time of the year and now I just dread everything. I put off decorating because it is just too hard for me as all those wonderful memories keep coming back. If it wasn't for my kids, I don't think I'd even bother.

 

Just know you are not alone ..

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Heather_0617

Heather_0617

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It seems like so many of us are in the same boat! And many of you made me cry! I will pray for peace for all of you too! I know for some it is easier to keep it bottled up, but I have tried that and it is not working so I appreciate being able to talk about it here!

tokanm... I do that all the time! When will it stop?

lcplwinkerswife... It was not often my father had a shirt on either, but my mom insisted on it on Christmas. LOL

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mgmckny

mgmckny

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Black Friday is one of my favorite days of the year, usually. I love Gotta Deal and a proud owner of my own BF shirt along with one for my Daughter. I usually watch daily for the new ads and download ASAP. The actual day really starts my Christmas season! The boys stay home and hang the outside lights. My mother and I head out. Then when we are done, she hides some stuff she bought in the garage from my father - that way he has no idea what she actually spent.

This summer my father suddenly passed away. He was an amazing man who was only 64 and a big grumpy teddy bear. I have NEVER had a Christmas with out him. He always came over before the kids woke or if they did wake up, they waited for their Nanny and Poppy to be here. Coffee for all of us adults and we start! He would sit at the dining room table, closest to the living room with his arsenal - Screwdrivers, scissors, box cutters ect... When the kids needed something opened, batteries put in or "some assembly" - they went to Poppy. Poppy could do anything and they knew it!

So this year sucks! I miss him everyday! I am not sure how not to ruin Christmas for my children, but keep it low key so not only myself, but my mother and sister can get through it. This Thanksgiving my mother is flying to see my sister, so this will also be the first time ever with out both my parents for Thanksgiving. I am going to a friends.

I know "it gets easier with time" and I know I must make this good for the kids - and I will.

Everyone, please take the time this holiday to really enjoy the memories you make with your family! It is more than the gifts, it is who is cooking and who is making the coffee and who is hanging the lights and who is doing the "some assembly" and who eyes light up when they know Santa came!

My Dad has been gone 15 years and I still miss him most at Christmas (he was Santa--really). This year my mom is not doing well and we have been told 2 years is probably all we have. That coupled with financial issues and the hubs health means I'm not feelin it either this year..... Hang in there!

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hopeky94

hopeky94

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I am so thankful that you all have chosen to share your hurt and longings with each other, to remind us that we are not alone when it comes to not being "in it" at this time of the year. Three years ago, I helped my church put together a "Blue Christmas" service, which is designed especially for those who are hurting (due to death, illness, divorce, financial struggles, or even just the stress of the season) to have a time to reflect and find comfort... Below is a poem I found online that year, as I was researching things to do and share at the service; I wanted to share it with you all as well and pray that you will find something in this that may lighten the load you carry this year, even if it's just a little...

 

It’s Just Not The Same

 

It’s just not the same - nor can it ever be again.

Christmas is not the same delightful, joyful, wonderful season it used to be for me.

The anticipation is not the same. In fact, I dread it.

The decorations are not the same if I bother at all.

The traditions are not the same. How can they possibly be?

 

It’s just not the same.

 

But, some things are the same - and will always be.

The reason for Christmas is the same - as delightful, joyful and wonderful

as it always has been.

God’s love is the same - to save us unto Himself and to overcome our worst enemy -

DEATH!

The Christ of Christmas is the same - as He was yesterday, today and will be forever.

Our help is the same - He promised never to leave us or forsake us.

Our hope is the same - eternity with Him where...

 

Nothing will be the same as it is now. It will be changed in a twinkling of an eye -

and then - perfect forever.

 

Christmases ahead will change again. The change may be good.

It may be bad. It just may be.

 

This Christmas when nothing is the same - and for changing Christmases to come

- my delight, my joy, my wonder, my peace is in those things that are the same and

that always will be - God’s love, God’s purpose, God’s provision for me.

 

O come, let us adore Him.

This wonderful, matchless, always-the-same Christ, the King.

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stevierocks

stevierocks

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wonderful poem!!

christmas does cont. to change..

as a child grows up it changes..

children become adults..it changes again..

you might lose someone, move, have life altering changes,,it changes again

have children...changes again

they grow../move ...more changes..

sometimes the changes can bee good

 

this year i hope to create a better christmas for someone...as to often the changes are in the direction we dont prefer

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Flutterbye

Flutterbye

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I am so sorry for your loss. I too, am just dreading the upcoming holidays. My sweet husband unexpectedly passed away this May and it is the first set of holidays without him. If I could, I would simply skip all of the holidays this year, but that is not an option since my son is only 4.
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Princess7915

Princess7915

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I'm very sorry for your loss. It seems like more and more I am just not into the whole holiday thing :( Sometimes I just can't place my finger on why. Sometimes I feel like it's the whole big commercial push - sometimes is the whole family deal that just ruins it. Yes the loss of your dad has been a tremendous hard ship on you but for some of us, our families - or what's left of them is exactly what makes the holidays so hard.

 

I think the worst thing is to try to fake it through. If your kids are old enough to completely get that things are different this year and why then do something a bit different. Don't try to replicate the same holiday experience with essential people missing. Start new traditions and give them some input on what would make them happy.

 

Maybe some Christmas Eve festivities rather than all Christmas morning since that's where all the focus lied before. Maybe experience some holiday parades or craft shows or a Christmas movie on BF weekend or lights that are up in your area? Finding some new things to do could be fun and get your mind off of what your missing.

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stevierocks

stevierocks

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I'm very sorry for your loss. It seems like more and more I am just not into the whole holiday thing :( Sometimes I just can't place my finger on why. Sometimes I feel like it's the whole big commercial push - sometimes is the whole family deal that just ruins it. Yes the loss of your dad has been a tremendous hard ship on you but for some of us, our families - or what's left of them is exactly what makes the holidays so hard.

 

I think the worst thing is to try to fake it through. If your kids are old enough to completely get that things are different this year and why then do something a bit different. Don't try to replicate the same holiday experience with essential people missing. Start new traditions and give them some input on what would make them happy.

 

Maybe some Christmas Eve festivities rather than all Christmas morning since that's where all the focus lied before. Maybe experience some holiday parades or craft shows or a Christmas movie on BF weekend or lights that are up in your area? Finding some new things to do could be fun and get your mind off of what your missing.

these are some great ideas!!

maybe in addition to,not instead of?

though if some people are trying to cut back on christmas activity,instead of may work for them.

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KrisinTn

KrisinTn

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I think I shared many years ago that I lost my fiancee on Christmas Eve. We had met when I was 15, and he was 17 and dated for 3 years before we got engaged. He popped the question on my 18th birthday in Sept, but we planned to wait until I graduated college to get married. He lived in North Carolina, and was on his way to spend Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning with my family then we were going to go to his family's Christmas afternoon. He was killed by a drunk driver - and I felt like a huge part of me passed away that night as well. It was years before I could think about putting up a tree, or wanted any part of Christmas. But, I eventually married and had a child, so Christmas came back into my life.... different, but back. It's been many years since I said my goodbyes to my love, but he's still in my thoughts every Christmas Eve, only now I remember him with smiles and joy, and not so many tears.

I tell you this- to help encourage each of you. I am so sorry for the pain, and sorrow that you are experiencing, it stinks that we have to say goodbye to people we love, even if it's just for a little while... but it will get better... not overnight, but it will get better. Lean on your loved ones, your family and your friends... You all will be in my thoughts and prayers!

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pooks

pooks

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Posted
You've all brought tears to my eyes. One of my dearest friends lost her mother on New Years Day this past year and she is dreading the holidays; it's been so hard for me as a friend to watch her suffering, and feeling helpless. I know that the greatest gift I can give her is my strength and love but the pain she's experiencing is unfathomable. I pray for all of you this holiday season that you find comfort in the good memories of your lost loved ones, and that you are able to lovingly cling to and appreciate those loved ones still in your lives. God bless. Thoughts and prayers with you all.
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