Missing loved ones during the holidays

[cassgurlie04]

I am finding myself feeling sad and depressed the more christmas music i hear and decorations i see. This will be the 4th holiday season without my mommom and they seem to get harder every year instead of easier. I miss her so much and have a hard time putting out decorations that belonged to her because I cry everytime i look at them. This year to add to it my brother is currently deployed to Afghanistan causing worry and sadness that he won't be home for christmas. I know they would both want me to be happy, but i just can't seem to find the christmas spirit...........

[stacyk9]

I am so sorry to hear you're having a bad time. The holidays can be hard. Have you thought about doing something in memory of your Mom during this time of the year? I have had two daughters who passed away due to a genetic disorder and every year I send gifts to St. Jude Hospital in their memory. I also buy them a new ornament for the tree and they have their own stockings. It doesn't take away all the pain, but it makes me feel like are part of the present and not the past. I hope that makes sense.

 

All in all, please hang in there. It is tough and there's no denying that. And I hope your brother gets to come home in time for Christmas. He is an honorable man to be doing what he's doing!

[tn20]

Aw, *hugs* for both of you! Reading your 2 posts broke my heart.

 

My FIL passed away after being in a car accident almost 4 months ago, so this is going to be our first Holiday season without him. I'm not sure how its going to go. Yesterday, we were watching a Christmas movie and my 3 year old son says, "My wish grandpa no died. He no be here for Christmas now." My DH is still feeling guilty about all the things they never got to do together (even though they were still close). MIL seems to be doing alright, but I think the empty house around the Holidays will get to her. She told us she didn't even want to put up a tree this year, but we insisted she needed one (she loves them!) and a friend of her's offered to decorate it for her, so she's decided to get one.

 

I know that there will be some tears, but I'm hoping everyone can focus on the good times with FIL and find some peace, knowing he's in a better place. Thankfully FIL was hilarious (and not on purpose), so we can't ever seem to get too upset without someone remembering something crazy he did and everyone laughing about it through our tears.

 

I hope you both have a blessed Christmas season! And Cass, I'll keep your brother in my prayers.

[AndreaInNC]

I am right there with you. Some years if it weren't for my kids I would skip Christmas all together. Especially when I put up the tree cause alot of the ornaments on it are gifts from my mom. I have an ornament that I hang up for my dad - it was a gift I had gotten for him for Christmas one year - he passed away before I could give it to him. gosh, that was 16 years ago and I still cry when I put it on the tree.

 

I do like to take out some of my mom's Christmas stuff and tell my kids (18 & 15) the story behind it. It does help a bit to remember happier times when I was a kid.

[vsa3janes]

I have lost many close family members over the years. I try to focus on the time I have here on this earth and making memories with my family so someday when I am gone they will remember me being happy and celebrating time with them instead of me mourning those that went before me.

 

Sure I have times when the memories of those lost make me sad but I try to remember a happy memory I have from them and share that with my dd or grandkids.

 

I know my 4 sets of grandparents, 6 uncles, 2 aunts, Dad & 2 brothers would all be upset with me if I didn't make the holidays joyful for the people they left behind and those that have been born since.

 

I hope you all have joyful memories to reflect on when you become blue.

[raven20_79]

I understand this all too well. I grew up with sort of thing. When my mom was 9, her sister died on December 23rd. So, every year was hard on my Grandma. She still put her Christmas stuff out, but we rarely saw her during the month of December. She just didn't feel like celebrating like she once used to. When my mom was pregnant with me, she lost her two year old son to the same thing her sister had died of. He died December 8th. So, growing up, I know Christmas time was hard for both of them. They did the best they could to accept it, move on, and to honor their memory during that time.

 

It's hard. It really is. But you know that your loved ones would not want you to be so sad....espcially during this time of year. I hope your pain lessens over time.

[mom3kids]

This is the second Christmas that we will be without my Daddy. He was killed tragically in a motor vehicle accident in June 08 at the age of 58. He had never been really sick a day in his life. So far this year has been worst than last year. I think we were still in shock last year. My kids seem to be having a harder time this year too. I try to stay upbeat for the kids and my mom, but sometimes it is so hard. I feel like it would be so easy to fall in a deep depression, but so far I am fighting it.

 

My mom is doing better than I expected. This year she decided to replace all her decorations and do something totally different. I encourage her to do anything that will help her feel better. I am trying to be especially thankful for all the blessings in my life and think positive thoughts and not dwell on the negative.

 

I hope something I said will help. I know it is hard and every situation is different. I focus on God and scripture (Romans 8:28 really seems to help me). I hope you have a great Christmas! :)

[redspider61]

thats how i feel about thanksgiving....thats when my mom died and it was really tough the first few years to even think about cooking and trying to smile..then little by little family and friends would tell me stories about a certain dish or dessert my mom jus loved or made so well.. i found myself wanting to do us as she did and the more i concentrated on handing down recipes to my daughter and making it the family holiday i knew growin up the easier it became.. dont get me wrong i still wake up and cry for a bit to myself, then say a little prayer that shed help me gather the family once again and love and laughter is what memories theyd take away that day.. i wish you peace, happiness and the comfort in knowing youre loved ...ill say an extra prayer for your brother...

[booga12345]

The holidays this year will be my hardest ever also. I lost my grandma on Dec 21st last year and my mom on Jan 9th of this year. So I will have to find a way to make it through without 2 of the most important ppl in my life . Im having a very hard time just gettin into the spirit of things but we will make it through.

[tinkrbel]

I always miss my grandma the most around holidays and bdays. This year, my heart is breaking for a coworker who lost an adult son unexpectedly a few months ago. I don't know him well but it seems almost impossible to make it through the holidays and be thankful and cheery with such a loss.

[andybrooke]

I also have a hard time this time of the year. My mom died back in 2000, she was 51 - I was 21. We always had big holidays with extended family and such. Now, fast foward to the present, I still miss her especially during the Holidays, and now Holidays are not spent with any extended family - my Dad spends his holidays with this girlfriend and her family... so that leaves just me, my hubby and our two kids. Sort of depressing.

[ourhappyfamily4]

It is hard at times... but we have to remember Jesus died on the cross and rose again on the

3rd day for us all to be able to meet again someday in Heaven. What a wonderful place that will be. No sickness, No worry. No sadness.

I hope that things will get easier for each and everyone that is going through something this holiday season.

[Gporter34]

I agree, it is hardest during the holidays. I lost my Dad May of '08 and my step-sister Sept. '08. I do think about them often, but the holidays are when I think of them the most. What helps me the most is that I know how much they both loved this time of year and I just try and enjoy it for them, too.

[hopeky94]

My thoughts and prayers go to all who are struggling with loss during the holidays... For those who believe in God and take comfort in the true reason we celebrate Christmas, feel free to take a few moments to read and reflect on these:

 

A Mustard Seed Christmas

 

"The Longest Night" meditation

[love2beurwifey]

I feel for all of you because I know how all of you feel. This will be my 3rd Christmas without my mother. I lost her as a result of a motor vehicle accident in Nov. 07. You would think as time goes on it would go easier but for me it gets worst. In my opinion the year she passed away was the easiest. It seemed as if everyone surrounded my family the next year things returned to normal they continued as they normally would but I sat there lonely trying to figure out where to go from there. If it weren't for my 2 year old I definitely couldnt go on the way I am. I live in a small county so for the holidays I usually put something in the newspaper for her and I find myself trying to do something to help someone else around the holidays. I really dont have much but what I do is I always had a budget on what I would spend on my mom for Christmas so I take the money I would have spent on her and adopt some Christmas Angels. I adopted 2 girls last year. This year im going to adopt a Silver Bell-Female and Male and a Little Angel - A Boy thats 1 years old. This helps me to remember her and I feel really good about bringing a smile to someone face.

[hjc0209]

This year will also be hard for my family. I lost my father and little brother (5 years old) in a horrible car accident this past February. My dad was my best friend and I still cry daily for him. It will be very hard Christmas morning not to hear from my brother telling me what Santa brought him.

[Illinoismom]

we have had 5 years of tragic events, was hoping maybe this year would be brighter but dosn't look like it will be

[mhood]

This Christmas will be my 4th year without my son. He would have been turning 5. I don't ever think it gets easier for me. I just try to remember that he is in a better place and I will see him some day.