I'm so sorry for your loss, but believe me I totally know how you feel! I lost my mom to lung cancer on April 19th, 2003 and she was only 47! She was diagnosed in Nov after being told to start with she had a "cold" then had a major seizure and then the doctor in the ER just blurted out that she had cancer that had already gone to her brain. I'm a nurse which I knew what that meant but at 23 there was NO way I was ready to lose my mom. To make a long story short, she did really good for most of the time, but she died the day before Easter. I will not EVER do anything for that holiday again. Maybe if I have children I might be able to, but at this point I can't. My sister was only 10 and my brother was 8 when this happened so it's been rough since you can't quit holidays with little one's, but at the same time, nothing is the same without "Mommy" To be honest, no things haven't gotten easier, but we've gotten more adjusted to them. The best way I know how to deal with her death is knowing that she was suffering in pain near the end and thankfully she isn't anymore, but I'm still selfish and I still want my Mom back. I'm so sorry for those who have had to deal with losing people without any notice or warning or being able to say goodbye. I have lost some friends like that but not family, I couldn't imagine. I will say though even though I know she's gone in person, she's still with me in spirit. I catch myself doing and saying things I never used to here and there that she always did and my sister always reminds me that I sound just like her, which I'm thrilled now to say that I think I'm turning into my mother! :)