conj Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 My MIL and I never got along well. I married her baby. her only boy, and I was/am not outgoing. (well, I am, but not in a way she was used to) I had a different background, a different religion, and a different view on life. She once bought me a shirt (no one buys me clothes... ) I didn't care for it. I thanked her. She's been dead for more than 6 years now. I still wear the shirt. It is not my style. I get compliments on it. It is a shirt, it is deccent quality, and my DH and kids know she bought it. I've had plenty of years where I didn't get gifts from anyone ... at least not anyone who wasn't paid to deal with me. A sweater from a social worker a constantly chellenged, a bracelet from my lawyer, a mug from the staff at the group home I was at. You don't think your kids are close enough to their grandparents - help them write letters - tell the grandparents about their life, give them the invitation into it. Your child will get practice at a useful skill, they may get a friend, or a grandparent out of it, and they might get some mail too! It is not just one sides responisbility to get to know the other. I'm going to stop reading this thread now. As for the OP - I like the idea of buying the toy and returning the defective one with the reciept.
Shortness Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Coming from possibly the other side... I have 2 half-sisters that I don't know well. Not entirely my fault. I'm 36 and they're in their early 20's. I never lived with them. I buy them something every Christmas and birthday. They might complain about what I get them, but it does take effort--time, gas money, and consideration about what I hope they will like--and what my budget allows. If they don't like it, I'm sorry. I don't mind putting in gift receipts. But, I really don't want them going around and complaining about what stupid gifts I get them, as I really try. If they do, I can't stop them, but gosh, I got them something. I took the time to do it. I just want to let them know that I think of them. I don't receive gifts from them. My kids don't. I don't receive emails or letters telling me what they're up to--or their likes or dislikes. Sometimes it's a two-way street...
scrabbler Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I certainly didn't mean to make anyone feel bad. I was just trying to explain that I do understand the frustration of no gift receipts. I think trying to give a gift that is thoughtful is a wonderful thing and never meant to imply it wasn't. It definitely is a 2 way street. Unfortunately, sometimes one side has a lot of road construction with huge barriers that are impossible to get over. My FIL just passed away last year. We always thought it was him that distanced himself from their grandchildren. After he passed, we tried very hard to include her in as much as we could considering we were 5 hours apart. However we have learned that it wasn't the FIL that created the distance, it was the MIL. Since it is more than one person, it is our family and MIL, she has to make some efforts also or else we are just frustrating ourselves. I have tried and tried again. Sometimes you have to know how to fold em for your family's well being. I apologize for the thread jack...Believe me, we have tried and since losing the FIL, we know life is short. Sometimes you just cannot change what others do.
sm1kla Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 It always amazes me when people do not give gift receipts. I always tape/staple it to the item. I think it's more upsetting to return something to the store and get the lowest markdown price for the item. We all work hard for our money, why should retailers take it that easy.
Shortness Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I think older people are not generally used to the idea of gift receipts. I know also, that when I was little, it was common to completely tear off the tags, as it was somehow "top secret" information that they didn't want to make public... Anyhow, I think some habits die hard. I do have to say though, that some people really do favor other family members over others, and that is sad and hurtful. I'm a "stepchild", and I have lived with the "step" identity and the "rating" that I got as one. I always got a less amount of gifts, and a lesser quality from those households. It was hurtful as a child, but I knew who I mattered to later on in life. It's just unfortunate that some adults aren't aware of how hurtful they are to the younger ones, where gifts really do matter in the way that they don't as adults.
comm402 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I also did not want to make anyone feel bad. I have tried, for the last 12 years and it does not matter. The funny thing is that the kids see what is going on and have pretty much avoided my MIL because of the way she treats them and me. At this point I could care less about gift receipts, if she would call and ask is all. It is downright mean and hurtful to get a size small shirt from someone who knows there is no way you could be a size small. It almost makes you wonder if they did it out of ignorance or to just be mean and it ticks me off to see my kids hurt.
pastasalad Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 For the past 9 yrs we have had a similar theme at dh's dads & smil- I think it bothered me more than my children and I have tried to tell myself it's ok, they didnt have to buy anything for mine, especially the older 2 because I am divorced and they have thier dad and his side of family that buy out the wazooooie for them. I have 3 children 2 from a previous marriage, the first couple yrs they gave lil $1 toys-while the cousins(there are 3 of them-they are around the same age as my children) got very nice gifts, mine were little and really didnt notice- I was new to the family with 2 children that werent actually blood relation. Things did get a lil better over the yrs the dollar store toys stopped and they started buying clothes which is a nice thought even if they were to small or to big Now that my children are older 13,11 & 9 they do notice and this year my son age 11 actually said something to dh and me, we just reminded him to be gracious & say thank you, sometimes we get things that we dont like,that doesnt fit or isnt our style. She never gives us a gift reciept nor will she tell me where she bought the clothes, so I can at the very least exchange for the right size. Where it really breaks my heart is with my youngest who is actually a blood relation grandchild, this year she sat there patiently waiting for her gift to open, watching everyone, when mil asked dd if she liked what she got her reply was "I didnt get anything" turns out my dd's gift was given to the cousin by mistake so she opened it...well once it was straightened out my dd got a very nice pair of pink levis and 2 shirts all size 6 my dd wears 9/10. It kills me that she watches her cousins open up no less than 10 gifts each and she gets one box. I dont mean to sound ungrateful I honestly dont and yanno she didnt say a word to us on the ride home but you could tell she was heartbroken and like comm402 said "it ticks me off to see my children hurt". Santa always leaves extra for my lil jess due to the fact her older bro & sis always come home Christmas day with 2 garbage sacks full of stuff. This yr on Christmas Eve my dh dropped us off and said he had an errand to run, needless to say Santa thought Jess had been a very good girl Even tho I am divorced we never raised our children as a step family(they were 6months and 1 1/2 when we started dating), my 2 older ones call dh dad and his side of the family are respectively Grandma,papa etc....I think next yr there will be some changes made for our holiday house visits, not to punish anyone but save everyone some heartache-(we already over compensate with dd b/c of the older 2 getting so much from ex's side of the family and I dont want her thinking this is how things work-it's unfair to her and us) We found out that mil bought the clothes at stage and went to exchange them but they didnt have the right size in stock so they gave us a store credit for the 3 items of $10.97. I do agree That it's the thought that counts BUT when your asked what size your children are then get stuff thats not even close well....It sure tests you as a parent,because i dont want my children seeing me acting ungrateful or saying anything, they are so impressionable and take their cues from their parents sometimes. anyways sorry for my long rant I agree with the original point of sometimes a gift reciept would be most helpful.
juanadeal Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 Well not to hijack my own thread but.... I think we must all be SIL's with the same MIL. There's alittle of my situation in every post. My MIL seems to favor her other 2 grands more than mine but I always saw it as a way to "stick it to me". Last year she asked what to get for DS and we told her Thomas trains because we bought him a train table. She said fine and went out and bought him a TRU brand train set and went on about how she didn't know what to get him because I never bring the kids over and I keep them from her blah blah blah. Since this was before TRU's receipt policy, I returned it for store credit and got him something else. The set turned out to be $9.99 meanwhile SIL's kids got about $200 worth of gifts each. Whatever. DS's are too young to notice this stuff so I don't even bat an eye over it. I just try to figure out her reasoning. If you only wanted to spend $10, why not get him a train like agreed? If money was the issue, why not spend less across the board. I guess I'll never understand until I'm a MIL.
Illinoismom Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 You know People give what they want and how they feel, I never was one to feel how much something cost was the deciding factor in gift giving. My self and children are not the closest with my family and we get the low end of the gifts, Thats fine I do not have a problem with that, It doesnt stop me from buying them what I feel I can afford with in a budget. I buy my family things I think they would like, no matter what they buy us. I teach me children the same, If they buy something they can not use or is two small I estimate the cost and then we go buy something they would like. This year it was Ds games for both my children niether have a DS, so I just took them back to Walmart no recipets got Gift cards and the 7 and 9 year old bought what they wanted, no biggy. There will come a time that people leave us then you will wish that you had them and thier gifts, My mom died three years ago, and my dad quit buying gifts for Christmas, but you know what I dont care, I get an I love you every phone call and thats the best gift I could have
heatherkw Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 For the past 9 yrs we have had a similar theme at dh's dads & smil- I think it bothered me more than my children and I have tried to tell myself it's ok, they didnt have to buy anything for mine, especially the older 2 because I am divorced and they have thier dad and his side of family that buy out the wazooooie for them. I have 3 children 2 from a previous marriage, the first couple yrs they gave lil $1 toys-while the cousins(there are 3 of them-they are around the same age as my children) got very nice gifts, mine were little and really didnt notice- I was new to the family with 2 children that werent actually blood relation. Things did get a lil better over the yrs the dollar store toys stopped and they started buying clothes which is a nice thought even if they were to small or to big Now that my children are older 13,11 & 9 they do notice and this year my son age 11 actually said something to dh and me, we just reminded him to be gracious & say thank you, sometimes we get things that we dont like,that doesnt fit or isnt our style. She never gives us a gift reciept nor will she tell me where she bought the clothes, so I can at the very least exchange for the right size. Where it really breaks my heart is with my youngest who is actually a blood relation grandchild, this year she sat there patiently waiting for her gift to open, watching everyone, when mil asked dd if she liked what she got her reply was "I didnt get anything" turns out my dd's gift was given to the cousin by mistake so she opened it...well once it was straightened out my dd got a very nice pair of pink levis and 2 shirts all size 6 my dd wears 9/10. It kills me that she watches her cousins open up no less than 10 gifts each and she gets one box. I dont mean to sound ungrateful I honestly dont and yanno she didnt say a word to us on the ride home but you could tell she was heartbroken and like comm402 said "it ticks me off to see my children hurt". Santa always leaves extra for my lil jess due to the fact her older bro & sis always come home Christmas day with 2 garbage sacks full of stuff. This yr on Christmas Eve my dh dropped us off and said he had an errand to run, needless to say Santa thought Jess had been a very good girl Even tho I am divorced we never raised our children as a step family(they were 6months and 1 1/2 when we started dating), my 2 older ones call dh dad and his side of the family are respectively Grandma,papa etc....I think next yr there will be some changes made for our holiday house visits, not to punish anyone but save everyone some heartache-(we already over compensate with dd b/c of the older 2 getting so much from ex's side of the family and I dont want her thinking this is how things work-it's unfair to her and us) We found out that mil bought the clothes at stage and went to exchange them but they didnt have the right size in stock so they gave us a store credit for the 3 items of $10.97. I do agree That it's the thought that counts BUT when your asked what size your children are then get stuff thats not even close well....It sure tests you as a parent,because i dont want my children seeing me acting ungrateful or saying anything, they are so impressionable and take their cues from their parents sometimes. anyways sorry for my long rant I agree with the original point of sometimes a gift reciept would be most helpful. Oh wow this brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry. This is us! My DD is not bio to her "dad" she had just turned 1 when we met. So he is her dad. However she has no contact with her bio-dad or his family so my mom and DH parents are it.Same here, the first year we were invited to spend Christmas with them she got a rag doll and slippers. She was 3 our DS(baby) and 2 steps racked up, toys everywhere. This still makes me sad and she is now 12 1/2 Needless to say we never repeated this "tradition" Thankfully she was really little and I hope doesn't remember this. However now they are starting to ask questions. This year DS 9 asked SIL " I only have 1 present?" I about fell through the floor:blush: . I told DH we needed to have a talk with him and he said NO His response was maybe one of the days somebody will answer him and he would like to hear it. Sorry for the tread highjack!
kstategrad Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I quit buying stuff from TRU because of their return policy. My kids got a bunch of junk from my in-laws for Christmas, stuff that actually said "Geoffrey" and/or "Exclusively Marketed for Toys R Us" on the back of the boxes, and Toys R Us WOULD NOT return the stuff, even for store credit. We didn't ask for gift receipts from the in-laws because we didn't want to offend them (and besides, you don't just TELL people you don't like their gift!!). Anyway, when we went to TRU, they told us we'd have to fill out this form in order to return the stuff. On the form, they wanted us to fill in the purchaser's name, address and phone number, as well as the type of payment used to buy the item. If a credit card was used, they wanted to know the credit card number and type of card. If a checking account was used, they wanted to know the account number. Then, the form asked which store it was purchased at and on what date. WHO THE HECK knows all of this information when they are trying to return a gift? I have NO idea if my SIL used a credit card, what store she purchased at, or any of that information. It's just ridiculous to expect that when my kids get a gift they don't like that I'd even CONSIDER asking a relative for their account number so that I can return it. Needless to say, we did not have all of this information to return the TRU junk, so my kids basically did not get anything from my DH's side of the family. I called TRU's corporate office and they were no help. I just don't understand why they couldn't at least give an in-store credit. I would've been happy to let my kids exchange what they didn't want for something that they wanted. I have told this story to all of (my side) of the family as well as friends. I am boycotting TRU and have asked that no one purchase things for my kids from TRU because of their policy. **end of rant**
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