45 replies to this topic

[eve]

Spoiler

Here is a question for all those that teach your child about the holidays and about the "spirit" of Santa, but not believing in Santa. What do you do when other kids believe and your kids do not? do you ask them to be unhonest so that kid can still believe? How do you handle it? I have always wondered this. I grew up believing in Santa even though we never got much and usually not what we wanted. I found out about Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy years before my sister or some neighborhood kids, but my mom forced me to lie, not threatened my toys, but forced. and that is what it was, a lie. i saw it as nothing else and still do not. When i have children i plan on helping them enjoy the holidays and getting them what they want for Christmas, may be not the most expensive thing, but things they do want. However i plan on being honest with them and telling hem Santa did exist long ago and telling them the real story

[scrabbler]

My kids haven't believed for years. I think my son was about 3-4 and my dd was only 1-2. My son asked and I didn't see any need to "lie". We still enjoy Santa, leaving cookies and a drink out, we enjoy the Season immensely. At the time, and I have never regretted it, I saw no reason to perpetuate the myth of Santa by lying to my kids. So...what did my kids do when others believed? They just smiled and nodded along. No one ever asked them if they believed. Occasionally they were asked what they got from Santa and because they understand that the myth of Santa was that he gave gifts, they said a gift they got. I never asked them to lie about whether there was a Santa or not because Santa isn't really a person, it is an idea of goodness and love. I always explained to my kids that some like to believe that there is a jolly fat man that makes lists and gives gifts and that is their belief. My kids never had an issue with it at all. I also did some research and found out info about Santa, St. Nick, and other traditions and shared it with the kids. We also are Christians so we emphasized the Birth of Christ. We talked about it all and I always explained that it is not our place to take away a tradition from other families. And as far as I know, my kids never did. It is interesting, because when my young son asked me, and the way he asked me, I found it very hard to lie to him. To outright drag out a story to cover what he wanted to know. The funny thing is, because he was so young, even tho I told him the truth, he didn't really understand. Their comprehension is limited at young ages and although we always told him there was no Santa, he would see a Santa in the mall and say that he wasn't real because the real Santa was someplace else. As my son grew, he began to comprehend more and we have never regretted telling the truth. We also always explained to our kids that our family was special and that sometimes it was best not to share everything we do at home with other families. The main reason we did this was because we didn't want them to share our thoughts on Santa/Tooth Fairy etc with other kids and have their parents upset. I personally think you can have it all...you can have the wonder and beauty of Christmas without a fat jolly guy climbing down your chimney.

[vsa3janes]

My older brother, younger sister and I all found out on the same day the truth of Santa. My parents, devote Christians, never lied to us they just allowed us to believe the myth until one day my brother (who was about 7) asked. Someone at school told him there was no Santa. I walked in the room as my Mom told him "don't tell your sisters." Of course I said don't tell me what and he told. When I was listening to my Mom explain the spirit of Santa and the season my little sister walked in. She asked what we were talking about and my brother told her too. My Mom was quite upset with him. Not that she wanted him to lie but she just didn't want to share this part of childhood truths so early. Even though we knew the truth it didn't take away from the wonder time we had. We hung our stocking on Christmas Eve, sat on Santa lap and wrote letters. I think even though we knew the truth we were afraid not to believe. As for what we did around other kids. Is far as I remember Mom told us telling kids about Santa was a parent's job. If anyone ask us we should just reply we believe in the spirit of Christmas. I truely don't ever remember anyone asking my until my daughter was old enough to ask. With her as well I never lied. I always talked about the spirit of Christmas and Santa was a part of that. I think enjoying the myth of Santa is a wonder part of childhood. Only once have I heard of a child being upset. When my cousin's little girl asked her if Santa was real she was furious to think her parents let her sit on a strangers lap and tell him her secret wishes. Of course, I must add this little girl is quite the drama queen in her own right. I'm sure when you have children you will know just how you want to celebrate as a family and the rest will fall into place.

[pianoman]

My oldest is 4 years older and my seven year old is into Santa. My oldest helps with the "magic". He has even given me really great ideas for things to do for my youngest to keep Santa's spirit alive in our house. It is fun to see things from his point of view.

[eve]

thanks for all of your replies

[abentley]

I guess I never looked at it as being lying..to the extent that I think "Santa" lives in everyone who reaches out to anyone during the holidays. To me as weird as this is, I think "Santa" is a spirit state of mind. When we take toys for donations, or pick off the angel tree, my kids have always known it was to help, give, and be kind towards others in the spirit of Santa. We joke in our house that when you stop believing in Santa, that is the year you only get socks and underwear. Maybe I still even believe!!! When you have kids, just follow your heart, and you will know exactly what to say!

[eve]

I guess I never looked at it as being lying..to the extent that I think "Santa" lives in everyone who reaches out to anyone during the holidays. To me as weird as this is, I think "Santa" is a spirit state of mind. When we take toys for donations, or pick off the angel tree, my kids have always known it was to help, give, and be kind towards others in the spirit of Santa. We joke in our house that when you stop believing in Santa, that is the year you only get socks and underwear. Maybe I still even believe!!! When you have kids, just follow your heart, and you will know exactly what to say!

See that is the thing, believing in the spirit is different then believing in the person

[mgmckny]

I guess I never looked at it as being lying..to the extent that I think "Santa" lives in everyone who reaches out to anyone during the holidays. To me as weird as this is, I think "Santa" is a spirit state of mind. When we take toys for donations, or pick off the angel tree, my kids have always known it was to help, give, and be kind towards others in the spirit of Santa. We joke in our house that when you stop believing in Santa, that is the year you only get socks and underwear. Maybe I still even believe!!! When you have kids, just follow your heart, and you will know exactly what to say!

I think this is the way it's worked out in our house. I believed longer than most children (of course it worked out well for my parents that my Dad dressed in his Santa suit to put our stuff out and I got up one night (late) for a drink of water when I was 4 or 5 and saw him down the hall in the living room).. I got into verbal fights at school over the issue. When my kids asked, I asked them what they thought and until the day they expressed doubt to me I didn't contradict what they wanted although we discussed the origins of Santa and the birth of Christ. But I always say if you don't believe, you don't receive (which works well in regards to God's bounty as well...)

[AndreaInNC]

DD14 and DD17 will never get me to admit anything about Santa. But I've told them when they tell me they don't believe, the Santa gifts stopped coming.

[dealdiva]

My daughter is in 4th grade and has come home from school saying that the kids at school say it is your mom and dad leaving the gifts. I just told her I believe in the spirit of Santa in my head and my heart. I didn't come right out and say "yes its us leaving the gifts". I didn't say either way really, just he lives in our heads and hearts no matter how old you are.

[jarerice]

My son whos 10 figured everything out for sure last year. We also have a then 3 year old. I asked him to play along with the Santa thing. He's doing it again this year with his sister and all of his little cousins. He thinks it's cool that he's in on the BIG secert. But he draws the line at sitting on Santa's lap even if his sister asks him to. LOL

[fluffkin79]

I never believed. My sister told me the truth before I learned the myth. I did play along and he kept comming until I was 18. Lying doesn't come naturally to me. Sometimes I wish that it did. I wouldn't be surprised if DD5 has figured out the truth on her own. If she hasn't, I'm sure she will soon. Whenever she asks questions about Santa I have to stop and think before I answer. I try to answer in a way that is not a lie (even if it is not the whole truth). I have to tell myself that there IS a Santa - me, then I am better able to answer her. Once she finds out I will ask her to keep it to herself. Believing in Santa is a magical part of the holidays for so many kids and it is not our place to ruin it. I remember a heated discussion between my 5th grade class about Santa. At 10 and 11 years old, most of the kids knew the secret, but two girls were convinced that he was real. As much as the other kids tried to change their minds, the girls would not be swayed. I thought that it must be great to be able to believe in Santa and that the kids that were trying to tell them the secret were just being mean. I had no urge to ruin it for others so I joined the debate on the believer's side.

[KrisinTn]

I guess I never looked at it as being lying..to the extent that I think "Santa" lives in everyone who reaches out to anyone during the holidays. To me as weird as this is, I think "Santa" is a spirit state of mind. When we take toys for donations, or pick off the angel tree, my kids have always known it was to help, give, and be kind towards others in the spirit of Santa. We joke in our house that when you stop believing in Santa, that is the year you only get socks and underwear. Maybe I still even believe!!! When you have kids, just follow your heart, and you will know exactly what to say!

I'm the same way. When my ds was 8 he had a friend of mine for his teacher. One day right before they got out for Christmas break my friend called and told me some children in her class were trying to tell my son there was no Santa Claus. She laughed as she told me my son's reply--- "I know there is... there is NO WAY my parents could afford what Santa brings me."

DS is now 15, and understands Santa's budget a little better now, but he also understands that the day he tells me that he no longer "believes" is the year that he starts getting socks and underwear...lol.

[my3girlstoo]

I will tell my children when they ask. My SIL's children never believed in Santa and every Christmas one of them would tell one of the cousin's the truth. Every Christmas we are on edge about it and the SIL would punish her kids by sending them to their room to play video games! She doesn't see what the big deal is, that we would rather explain to our children ourselves if they ask and at a older age when they are questioning.

[Princess7915]

I think that either believing or not is another family tradition that you choose to participate in. I can't really say that I would choose to if I had kids of my own - but you can kind of go half way. My mom still always gives me one gift "from Santa" and I'm 29. I don't think there is any harm in it because I think some of the magic and joy of Christmas comes from the joy of giving gifts and the spirt of that is embodied in Santa. But you don't have to spend years perpetuating elaborate tales in order to to have the spirit of Santa and that part of Christmas be a part of your holiday. I do however think that what you choose to do should not ruin it for anyone that chooses to believe and on the same turn I don't think that if you choose NOT to participate in "Santa" that you should be looked at as if you're missing out or jilting your children out of their childhood.

[okpooky]

I have 3 kids son 11, son almost 9, and a daughter almost 7. All three believe in Santa, our oldest now believes in the spirit of Santa that comes along with giving at Christmas. My other two are still believers in Santa. They have asked me and my answer always is "what do you think?" and they say they think he is real, so I just leave it at that. My oldest finally said he didn't believe he was real but he was old enough to "get" the idea of the giving spirit of Christmas. I grew up believing in Santa for a long time and never felt my parents lied to me because we were old enough to understand the idea of it not being the man but the spirit by the time we figured it out. When my parents were still living, we got a Santa present every year, and I still miss that. It is simply my tradition and my husband grew up with the idea of Santa also, so it is now our tradition. My kids will all figure it out soon enough but they will always get something from Santa.

[shopping mom]

My kids are all grown except for my DD5 but we have never had Santa bring gifts. We have a lot of reasons for our decision. We simply told them that they got gifts simply because we loved them. They were never told to lie when others asked them but I can not think of one instance were they were asked. Everyone has a special way of celebrating during this time of year and I think it is wonderful to hear how many here share the joy of giving with your children.

[Cru]

I'm the same way. When my ds was 8 he had a friend of mine for his teacher. One day right before they got out for Christmas break my friend called and told me some children in her class were trying to tell my son there was no Santa Claus. She laughed as she told me my son's reply--- "I know there is... there is NO WAY my parents could afford what Santa brings me."

DS is now 15, and understands Santa's budget a little better now, but he also understands that the day he tells me that he no longer "believes" is the year that he starts getting socks and underwear...lol.

LOL! My son said the same thing about parents affording the gifts until right after Christmas last year. He was in 5th grade so I thought we made it pretty far with him. My daughter is in 4th grade this year and still believes in the tooth fairy and santa. Reality is tough enough and we have to live with it every day, so why not keep the spirit of santa going as long as possible?

[jeninpa]

I think that Santa is a fun thing for kids to believe in and I think it is a bit much to call it lying. I would say it is more like "playing along" and I would be beyond ticked if someone ruined my child's belief in Santa because they didn't want to lie. I loved believing in Santa and watching the sky on Christmas Eve. The fun and excitement was great and I remember how bummed out & upset I was when I did find out at age 12 that he wasn't real, not that I was lied to. To each his own but from someone who believed, I can tell you it was a very magical thing and I enjoy my children experiencing the same thing. Do your kids tell people they are ugly or fat if they ask, just so not to "lie" to them? I consider this the same thing, it is out of consideration for others.

[jeninpa]

DD14 and DD17 will never get me to admit anything about Santa. But I've told them when they tell me they don't believe, the Santa gifts stopped coming.

I made DS13 write a note even,lmao. My whole family was just so into the holidays & Santa and I loved growing up that way so I want my kids to experience the same thing. DS13 is the only one who knows.

[Cru]

Well I guess my 4th grader's not gonna make it until Christmas. One of her friends decided to open her big mouth. I think part of her still wants to believe and when she said that to us we asked her what she thought and she said she did. We'll see. I know my wife and I are bummed because it was always alot of fun watching them rip open the gifts Santa had left. I think some of that magic will be gone now....

[Illinoismom]

There are bills, there is sickness, there are people with out homes, For a child none of this matters, Once upon a time there was a person who brought small trinkets to children and he is known as St. Nick. Now he may not be the Jolly fat man of today's time but he was real. You do not have to see something in order to believe. To be honest there is a little bit of Santa in all of us. Christmas is a time for joy,Magic and maybe just maybe a little Santa helper in all of us. It's not a lie to have something to believe, To look to the sky and wait for that certain something only Santa would bring, The world is to cynical and children grow up way to soon to have all that they imagine taken way from them at a young age. There is a line in my fav movie that goes, We the people put our faith in GOD but yet no one has seen him so who are we to say there is no Kris Kringle

[Illinoismom]

Well I guess my 4th grader's not gonna make it until Christmas. One of her friends decided to open her big mouth. I think part of her still wants to believe and when she said that to us we asked her what she thought and she said she did. We'll see. I know my wife and I are bummed because it was always alot of fun watching them rip open the gifts Santa had left. I think some of that magic will be gone now....

I combated that by leaving my doubting daughter that year something very little and something that she never asked for from Santa with a note written by someone else.

[scrabbler]

It is wonderful if you decide that you wish to "believe" in Santa in your family. On the same note, it is just as wonderful if a family decides not to "believe" in Santa. We have always had magic in our home at Christmas time. In fact, we have magic year round. Not to get real religious-y here, but it is the amazing love that we recognize year round...Mary giving her life for a Virgin Birth, Joseph being an amazing Man and believing and as the year goes on, the absolute wonder that Jesus gave himself so we could live. I get Santa, I get people don't want it ruined for those that want to believe. I respect that and as a family, we never discuss Santa or not a Santa. But in this house, Santa is a fat jolly guy that doesn't hold a candle to God. Our magic and Holidays throughout the year, heck everyday, is appreciated and held special because of our belief in God. When my son asked me, I knew that in my mind and heart, the magic wasn't in the red guy, it was in God. It is in listening to your children and getting just the right present or doing just the right thing whether they wrote a list or not. In our family, we attempt to do for others. It isn't those presents we get but to learn to give a gift that make anothers day...whether it is an actual physical gift or it is an action...Christmas is about Giving, being thankful and knowing that there is something bigger than all of us. If you chose to make that Santa, that is your choice. But those of us that do not are not less magical and the time is not less special.

[Illinoismom]

It is wonderful if you decide that you wish to "believe" in Santa in your family.

On the same note, it is just as wonderful if a family decides not to "believe" in Santa.

We have always had magic in our home at Christmas time. In fact, we have magic year round. Not to get real religious-y here, but it is the amazing love that we recognize year round...Mary giving her life for a Virgin Birth, Joseph being an amazing Man and believing and as the year goes on, the absolute wonder that Jesus gave himself so we could live.

I get Santa, I get people don't want it ruined for those that want to believe. I respect that and as a family, we never discuss Santa or not a Santa. But in this house, Santa is a fat jolly guy that doesn't hold a candle to God. Our magic and Holidays throughout the year, heck everyday, is appreciated and held special because of our belief in God.

When my son asked me, I knew that in my mind and heart, the magic wasn't in the red guy, it was in God.

It is in listening to your children and getting just the right present or doing just the right thing whether they wrote a list or not. In our family, we attempt to do for others. It isn't those presents we get but to learn to give a gift that make anothers day...whether it is an actual physical gift or it is an action...Christmas is about Giving, being thankful and knowing that there is something bigger than all of us.

If you chose to make that Santa, that is your choice. But those of us that do not are not less magical and the time is not less special.

While I truely respect your beliefs, Santa is not the one and only reason for the season in my house. He is just a part of it. This is one of those life long questions that there ius really no right or wrong answer.

[scrabbler]

While I truely respect your beliefs, Santa is not the one and only reason for the season in my house. He is just a part of it. This is one of those life long questions that there ius really no right or wrong answer.

And I didn't believe it was...

My response was written because some people have given me a great deal of flack because we chose not to do the Santa thing...and we did do parts of it. We put out food and drink...we just never did Santa gifts.

I do not care what one does in their home...it does not effect what I do in my home. And my comments are in support for anyone who feels that doing Santa isn't for them...there is nothing "wrong" with you. Someone earlier posted it best...families should do what is best for them. And that is what I believe.

[Illinoismom]

And I didn't believe it was...

My response was written because some people have given me a great deal of flack because we chose not to do the Santa thing...and we did do parts of it. We put out food and drink...we just never did Santa gifts.

I do not care what one does in their home...it does not effect what I do in my home. And my comments are in support for anyone who feels that doing Santa isn't for them...there is nothing "wrong" with you. Someone earlier posted it best...families should do what is best for them. And that is what I believe.

That was not directed all towards you, The only part was that I respect what you believe.
The rest was just rambling

[scrabbler]

That was not directed all towards you, The only part was that I respect what you believe.
The rest was just rambling

LOL..well now that we both know we ramble...LOL

[jeninpa]

There are bills, there is sickness, there are people with out homes, For a child none of this matters, Once upon a time there was a person who brought small trinkets to children and he is known as St. Nick. Now he may not be the Jolly fat man of today's time but he was real.

You do not have to see something in order to believe. To be honest there is a little bit of Santa in all of us. Christmas is a time for joy,Magic and maybe just maybe a little Santa helper in all of us.

It's not a lie to have something to believe, To look to the sky and wait for that certain something only Santa would bring, The world is to cynical and children grow up way to soon to have all that they imagine taken way from them at a young age.

There is a line in my fav movie that goes, We the people put our faith in GOD but yet no one has seen him so who are we to say there is no Kris Kringle

Okay, you said it way better but this is what I meant,lmao. I was irritated at the thought that one of my young children might ask "someone who doesn't lie" (like that exists) if Santa was real and they'd crush the childhood magic by saying no, so I may not have got my point across,lol. We don't go to church and although we do 'believe' in God (because what's the other choice?) my kids wouldn't go around telling people God didn't exist. If a small child believes in Santa and that is their family's belief, I'm sure you won't go to Hell for playing along if you were asked the question.

[4gr8girls]

There are bills, there is sickness, there are people with out homes, For a child none of this matters, Once upon a time there was a person who brought small trinkets to children and he is known as St. Nick. Now he may not be the Jolly fat man of today's time but he was real.

You do not have to see something in order to believe. To be honest there is a little bit of Santa in all of us. Christmas is a time for joy,Magic and maybe just maybe a little Santa helper in all of us.

It's not a lie to have something to believe, To look to the sky and wait for that certain something only Santa would bring, The world is to cynical and children grow up way to soon to have all that they imagine taken way from them at a young age.

There is a line in my fav movie that goes, We the people put our faith in GOD but yet no one has seen him so who are we to say there is no Kris Kringle

I really like the way you put this. When I read it was a LIE to tell your kids about Santa, I thought my Christmas was crushed. We are Christians, we go to church and God is very much apart of our everyday. My kids know that we celebrate Jesus' birthday on Christmas and we also celebrate the day the 3 wisemen came. I don't think I am any less a Christian for teaching my kids about Santa. I think it's magical and shoot, I believe there's a Santa:) My dd (almost 12) has asked me several times. All I say is, "if you don't believe you don't receive." I think it's fun seeing them light up on Christmas morning. Santa is just magical, imho;)