5 replies to this topic

[leefamily23]

So, first I am blessed and I know it.  However, I am so sad and I'm trying really hard not to have a pity party.  I have 1 child, he's my "baby" in spite of the fact that he's almost 24 years old.  He moved out several years ago, but he still came home on Christmas Eve and spent the night and we continued our Christmas morning tradition of opening gifts like we did when he was growing up.  

 

Last year his gf (he's been with for quite a few years and an engagement should be on tap sometime in 2017) came first thing in the morning too and we opened gifts all together, he still spent the night as they don't live together.  It was even more special because we just adore her and she's really the daughter we didn't have to us. It only made it better to have her with us to celebrate.

 

This year she has to work on Christmas a really odd shift that means she can't come over.  My son kinda would like to move our "Christmas Morning" to another time and open gifts then all together again.  Which in theory is great.  I am sad about it though.  It will be the first Christmas I don't potentially see my son on Christmas morning.  On top of it because she has to work Christmas, they will only be making a brief visit to our larger family get together on Christmas Eve (it's the only whole family gathering we do over the holidays) because she needs to see her family too.  Typically they spend Christmas Eve with us and then Christmas afternoon/evening with her family.  Now, I get she needs to see her family and she told him they could each just go to their families and she did mean it.  However, he wants to spend time with her too--- which I get that as well-- so he doesn't want to separate for the day.

 

My son did tell me he could still come spend the night on Christmas Eve because he wasn't doing anything else Christmas morning anyway and we could just open a few gifts.   Which is a possibility but idk why it seems awkward.  Then the thought of him waking up on Christmas morning to no lit tree, gifts and family made me even more sad.  I know he's not a little kid but this thought breaks my heart as well.  

 

My husband told me to try to think of this as we get to start a new tradition and we can kinda claim on non-Christmas day to celebrate.  Then when the grandbabies come we will already kinda have another tradition going that doesn't interfere with the holiday.  

 

My son is taking a state job with the correction system starting after the new year so he'll probably have to work quite a few Christmas's coming up anyhow.  So, I guess it was inevitable.  I am curious how others celebrate the holiday's with their adult children?  

 

Ya know, I think if he were married and doing a Christmas morning thing in his own home with his wife/kids I'd feel differently.  I'd be more okay with this whole transition.  I don't  know if I'm more upset that he won't be here or that he won't really have that exciting Christmas morning like we always had.  

[Bopeep]

Hugs to you, Mama.  It's so hard to let go, even when our heads are telling us it's the thing to do.  Maybe he could spend the night this year, and instead of opening gifts Christmas morning, you could have a nice breakfast. Then open gifts when the gf can be there too.  

 

Because our kids are growing up and 3 of them are married, we have set the Saturday after Christmas as our Christmas at my mom's.  That way, the married kids don't have to worry and can do what they need to do with their own families/in-law families.  And, every year, we KNOW what we are doing so there is no excuse for planning something else for that day.  My sisters and I, however, still go to my mom's, just to hang out. Because it's Christmas Day and that's where we are supposed to be.

 

This first year will be tough, but then it will get easier.

 

One other thought - Please don't feel like it's not okay for you to feel how you feel.  You put 24 years into this. You have the right to mourn what was.

[leefamily23]

Thank you so much, you don't know how much I needed some of that!!!  It brought tears to my eyes to know that someone understood.  

[HanShotFirst]

I don't have children but I am an adult child who works in healthcare so 23 years ago when I started my first job we had to adjust our Christmas routine. I'm not going to lie, It was crap for me and my mother that first year and so very hard not to be at my grandparents house for the big Christmas Day lunch with all my aunts, uncles and cousins. I know I cried sitting alone in my little apartment with my little Charlie Brown Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. But over the years we have adjusted quite well to having our little immediate family Christmas whenever we have to. Sometimes it's Christmas Day, sometimes Christmas Eve and sometimes a few days before. It all depends on my work schedule. The gathering of all the aunts, uncles, cousins and cousins' families has also gone by the wayside for Christmas Day as all we grandchildren are grown adults living in different cities and states.

Unfortunately for you moms out there it's just a natural progression as your children become adults and have their own families that things can't always stay the same at Christmas. It stinks I know. It stinks for your kids too. They may try to act like it doesn't but it most likely does. Like has already been said, it will get easier and easier to celebrate Christmas in a new and different way. I think what Bopeep said about picking a day and having that day be your Christmas Day is a great one. Take that opportunity to make new and fun traditions while keeping some old ones too. Christmas is what you make of it in your heart, no matter the date on the calendar. This is how we look at it in my family now and have for the 23years I've been out of college. And it really is ok now. We have fun together eating our favorite foods and opening gifts, whenever we can, because my mother still spoils my sister and I as if we were still kids. We are still her babies and she loves nothing more than to spoil us with our favorite foods.

[stevierocks]

i think this is a great idea bopeep had.." Maybe he could spend the night this year, and instead of opening gifts Christmas morning, you could have a nice breakfast. Then open gifts when the gf can be there too. 'this way he wakes up there and neither of you are missing each other... and you can have the presents out there to see but just not open them till shes there.maybe watch a movie or something together.

I really get this is sad for you.thats only human.. i am certain many many many have had these feelings. change does and will happen.. it does not mean we will always like it , and even if we do like it it will feel "different" as it is change. but it also is gonna eventually change anyhow. maybe this can be the ease into it... not that it feels anything like easy now!!

[smorebore]

I understand.  It's not the same here either.  Most of our traditions are gone just because my kids are older.  It is difficult since our family is very small.