Finally someone who can relate. Holidays for me were better when I was younger. As I grew older I realized that I seem to get depressed around the holidays, that's because I had nothing to look forward to but ,drinking, cussing, argueing, family critics, etc. I try not to do holidays with family, If invited then I may got, But I have been blessed with an extended Spiritual family who most of my holidays are spent with. Now that I have my own home and my own family( DH, DS4 and DD9mnths) I tend to spend holidays with them and it means more to me then to have to worry about drama that comes with the big family dinners, I can stay home and spend it with my family and actually enjoy it. I use to be big on the family dinners, ( you know inviting everyone I know) but now, I am satisfied if it's just the 4 off us. Kuddos to you for trying though.