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Why ask for gift idea's


leefamily23

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Mini-vent.....why ask for gift idea's and then get your own thing anyhow??? I have an almost 15 yr old son. I know teen's are hard to buy for. BUT....both my and MIL did it this year.

 

First, we're having a way scaled back Christmas at our house. My son get's a lot of gifts from family, so no big deal.

 

My mom ask's- what should I get him? I know her budget is $120-125 per grandkid. So, I told her there is a pair of sneakers he really, really wants. Okay, she listened on that part, and it left her w/ $50.00. He's getting an Xbox 360 and a few games, but I know there's other things he'd like for it. So, I told her a GC for Gamestop. Yesterday, she tell's me--- I got him a Timberland sweatshirt from Macy's. Why, Why, Why......

 

First, he's only into "skater" clothing. She know's this. It's never gonna get worn. If she bought it on her "credit" debit card. We'll only be able to get store credit upon returning it and I guarantee there is nothing there he'll wear. So, I don't understand this.

 

Then my MIL. She asks. We know her budget. So we told her to get him a body wash/body spray set by Axe and an Itunes gift card. She got him a fleece throw blanket. This is what she's gotten him every year for the last 5-6 yrs from the flea market. Every year they go out at our garage sale.

 

So, my question being.... why ask and then buy something that obviously didn't have any thought to the receiver anyhow?

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I feel your pain. It's taking me 16 years to train my mil. WHen the boys were babies, she would buy the most impractical clothing-- little dress suits that they would outgrow in a week (sometimes before we had an event that was dressy enough- my church wasn't very dressed up at the time) instead of the less expensive but needed daily wear stuff. Now that they are older, she and my husband go shopping for them so he can guide her!
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Just be thankful your healthy! You shouldn't expect certain things because they were on your list! Maybe those items weren't "fun" to them! I'm sure they are thinking about your son through with their own ideas not with your ideas. There is nothing wrong with that! Relax and enjoy the holiday season!
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Please... don't lecture me on counting my blessings. I am very grateful, even though an extremely close family member JUST passed away, making this season hard.

 

This whole site is a "deal/shopping" site. No religous, not spiritual, I really, really don't need to be told count my blessings. It's rude!

 

I think their own idea's would be great if either one of them took a moment to think of who they were shopping for. It'd be like me buying a side of beef for a vegetarian, of a bra for my father, or a full size mountain bike for an infant. The items are so off based to the person, there is no thought in it. That's the point.

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Please... don't lecture me on counting my blessings. I am very grateful, even though an extremely close family member JUST passed away, making this season hard.

 

This whole site is a "deal/shopping" site. No religous, not spiritual, I really, really don't need to be told count my blessings. It's rude!

 

I think their own idea's would be great if either one of them took a moment to think of who they were shopping for. It'd be like me buying a side of beef for a vegetarian, of a bra for my father, or a full size mountain bike for an infant. The items are so off based to the person, there is no thought in it. That's the point.

I know what you mean. I am a Christian and I thank God every day for the blessings he has given me. I have worked hard to teach my children the true meaning of Christmas, it's better to give than receive, it's the thought that counts, etc etc etc.

 

That being said, my children are very spoiled yet much better behaved than the rest of the neices/nephews. In order to ensure this good behavior we do have certain rules for things our kids can or cannot have or use (like no makeup at all until you are 14 for the girls, certain books my bookworm DS cannot read due to content, etc).

 

So we have a name draw for the kids and one for the adults with the idea they get one nice gift rather than 4 cheesy ones from each of the other families. So if my SIL or her sister (we consider her family too) get my kids' names then my SIL takes over and always, and I do mean ALWAYS calls and asks what they would like to have. Knowing this will happen and knowing the budget I always give them 3-6 ideas for each of our children. NEVER has one of our children gotten anything on the list. NEVER.....

 

This year she calls from the store says "what does he want". I say.... "nerf football, batting gloves, basketball, spongebob golf balls, a golf towel, or any kind of sports shirt" Pretty easy and CHEAPO list.... nothing on there even with tax would be over budget, most of it very far under. So she says "doesn't he like to read" I say "yes, he has read half the library at school and has a bunch of books he hasn't had time to read yet but he is FINALLY wanting to start the Harry Potter series" So she gets him a book that is not only way over his age (it's targeted at 17-20 years of age and he is 11) but it's also from a series that he is banned from reading due to explicit language although he does read at a 10th grade level. I try to tell her this and she says "I think he will like it, I will just get this for him"

 

So I am with OP... if you know you aren't going to follow the list WHY ask??????? It aggravates me because now I know I have to go stand in the return line and get him a gift card to go buy something from his list and he will be all disappointed to return a book but he knows he can't have it. At least it's walmart, not a specialty store.

 

But .... with the shirt from Macy's can you "buy" the store credit from him and use it to buy a gift for someone else or to get yourself something? I did that a few times with my boys when they have gotten not only clothes that don't fit or they don't like but then the store didn't have anything else they wanted.... and I buy the card from them and let them pick out something wherever they want. Then they don't feel cheated and I use the card for bdays, Christmas, or myself. Just an idea.... good luck with those ideas... and next year I think I would tell grandma he would LOVE to have another fleece blanket (j/k)

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Please... don't lecture me on counting my blessings. I am very grateful, even though an extremely close family member JUST passed away, making this season hard.

 

This whole site is a "deal/shopping" site. No religous, not spiritual, I really, really don't need to be told count my blessings. It's rude!

 

 

By posting you are inviting comments, and we all have our own minds. What the poster said was not rude, just wasn't what you wanted to hear.

 

If this is the worst issue you have with your MIL, I understand your frustration, but it is minor in the scope of things.

 

I hope you and yours have a lovely holiday.

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I'm sorry but I think it is rude to imply that someone isn't counting "their true blessings" in life. I know everyone has different opinion's- and that is truly great. But, I'm not going around on each thread--- "my wife changed my list"-- you shouldn't complain be thankful she's healthy. My teen snooped-- "be thankful your healthy"......C'mon-- it's not needed.
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I can understand OP's issues too.... My family drew names for the first time this year. Even though they're not technically family, my niece's boyfriend and a close guy friend of mine are always included as if they're family, too. Well, my friend has some physical challenges and is in a wheelchair, but he also just got his purple belt (one level below brown belt) in kenpo karate. Yet after 7 years, nobody ever seems to know what to get him...

 

My SIL called while I'm at my parents' house, asking my mom for ideas on the names drawn by members of their family... Mom asked me for ideas for my friend (adult nephew drew his name), so I started listing just general ideas, like anything from National Wildlife Federation or anything to do with wolves. Somehow SIL thinks I mean National Geographic and poo-poos that idea, saying she wanted to get him something from the mall, where does he like to shop there? (Actually, he rarely goes to the mall or does much shopping of his own, besides online!!) So I tell her any of the main stores would be fine.. then I remembered he really likes Dick's Sporting Goods, cuz he can get practice gear and stuff there. I don't think she liked that either and said she'll probably just get him a gift card to a restaurant or to Walmart....

 

WHAT?!?! So why in the world did she ask in the first place?!?!?!?!?! Errrrrr...... And the ironic part about it all? I drew my SIL's name!!! :(

 

From listening to Mom's side of the conversation, sounds like she's getting my sister a generic GC, too (nephew's wife drew her name). I'm not fond of gift cards in most cases (unless for a specific purpose, like gc to a musical instrument store for a teen wanting a guitar, or if it's for someone I know nothing about)... And with drawing names, there are far less people for each person to buy for, so why can't folks at least TRY to be more original?? (I'm not even gonna start on why SIL is buying gifts to be from adult nephew and his wife!)

 

Sorry about the soapbox spill.... just wanted to let OP know I feel her pain and sypathize!! Maybe it is a minor issue-- by itself. But sometimes it's the little things that build up over time that can cause the most strife in a family or any other group situation. But just seeing this thread and knowing that others also struggle with these same issues helps me out a lot, so maybe it can do the same thing for others! :) JMHO....

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Please... don't lecture me on counting my blessings. I am very grateful, even though an extremely close family member JUST passed away, making this season hard.

 

This whole site is a "deal/shopping" site. No religous, not spiritual, I really, really don't need to be told count my blessings. It's rude!

 

I think their own idea's would be great if either one of them took a moment to think of who they were shopping for. It'd be like me buying a side of beef for a vegetarian, of a bra for my father, or a full size mountain bike for an infant. The items are so off based to the person, there is no thought in it. That's the point.

 

Yes this is a shopping website and I love to shop as much as the rest of you but you listed your opinion on a public forum under a holiday thread. It had nothing to do with shopping, your subject was about getting. I'm sorry if you though I was rude as I was not trying to be, however, Christmas is a religious holiday. Your family is being generous and suggestions are just that... suggestions. I have asked ppl what they want and if it isn't something I find interesting they don't get it. That doesn't mean I didn't put time or effort into shopping for them. Maybe the presents I buy ppl aren't what they wanted but I try to make them happy. Your mother bought your son sneakers that he really wanted and instead of focusing on that your focusing on a sweatshirt he may not have wanted. Does your mom know the difference between skater and hip-hop (if that is what you call it) clothes? If you didn't have a teenage boy you prob. wouldn't. Is a throw useless to your son? Maybe but his grandmother was prob. picturing him cuddling on the couch in it with a bowl of popcorn watching his favorite movie. Donate the throw to a women's or animal shelter so someone else will be able to cuddle with it if you have to many. The gifts your son is getting are practical... no teenagers aren't practical but Grandmothers are. Meat, bras and bikes are not practical gifts for those ppl but good analogies anyway. There is always two sides to every story (or in this case reason to buy a Christmas present). Merry Christmas!

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I think when people ask for gift ideas, it's just that. Ideas. When people ask me what I want for Christmas, I give them a general list of things I want but I don't get angry if I get something that's NOT on my list. I highly doubt that your mom and your MIL were not thinking about your son's wants and personality. If Christmas was about getting everything you wanted, where would the surprise be?

 

And btw, I'm not religious so this post has nothing to do with "counting your blessings".

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I am thankful I do not have this problem and rarely have to do any returns. My MILs (I have 2)The SMIL will look at my lists for the kids and ask me what she can get in their budget, then ask me if I will get it for her and she'll pay me. MIL sends money for me toshop, they get more if you do not have to pay postage. My folks always go by the list and are great about getting one of their higher priced items on BF.

 

It is sad that your son will be disappointed with gifts from the family, especially since they have the budget to get him something he will appreciate.

 

Personally if I ask for a list I use it, or like a PP will get a gift card for a specific purpose.

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All other post aside I had to comment on the Timberland sweater. My oldest DS is also into skater styles and I think he'd literally GAG if he opened a Timberland sweatshirt!! I am so sorry!! Maybe you can do as PP stated and "buy" the Macy's credit from him so he can get something different? Or better yet call your mom and tell her he JUST got the same SS from someone else so she can return it already ;)

 

As for the throw, regift it. I cannot imagine her getting the SAME thing every year that would be annoying!

 

Yes this is the season of giving and all but it is nice when the person buying actually considers the persons interest when buying for them..Like with MY dad. He sends the kids giftcards each year that decrease in value each year (this year they will get $15 I think) His excuse is he doesn't know them well enough to buy gifts! Well the first clue would be to TRY to get involved but since he has never even seen my 4yr old that probally isnt happening. My second thought is why even bother? If you want to buy my kids things because you love them and want to give them something they enjoy GREAT but if you don't know them well enough to get them something they'd like and your just buying for the sake of "having" to buy then don't bother. Honestly I'd rather my dad go to Dollar Tree and spend $1 on something my kids would like because he knew them then get them the best $200 dream present...Not to mention these days usually money comes outta MY POCKET to even let them redeem thier Walmart GC's because of the price of things!! (sorry for the mini rant point being if your just buying outta of obligation PLEASE don't bother!)

 

My only gripe is my MIL buys WAY more for BILs kids because they have less, which BTW is hard to believe since both BIL and DH work at the same job making the same salary and both SIL and I are SAHM's! But I don't mind MIL buying them more but she could as least make sure it isn't all given to them in front of my kids!!! Kids don't understand something like that, and I am talking DD gets a stuffed animal (she is almost SEVEN!) and thier kids get Santa sized things and clothing...

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As for my mother- 1st she's hardly an "old" grandma---she admitted she "liked it and she know's he's gonna return it, but that is my problem". Those were her words exactly. It looks like something my dad or BIL would wear.

 

As for MIL--- there is never an ounce of thought in her gifts. Honestly- from her I'd rather get nothing than have to fake appreciation. Because she never thinks, it's all about the bottom dollar for her. She's out to get that item from the Dollar Tree that she thinks she'll make people think she's spent $50.00 on them. And it's not due to not having the money. She just likes to buy a lot of junk. Once again my MIL is 52 yrs old-- so this isn't some little old lady you need to feel sorry for.

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Dont get me wrong, i appreciate the thoughts. but there are two things that bother me in gift giving.

the first is when you try to push your likes on someone. just becuase you think that all little girls should be into dancers, doesnt' mean the soccer start wants to be. just because you collect something doesn't mean i like it oo.

the other is when you dont pay attention to age. if my dd was already 18 months, why get her a gift targeted at 3-9 months? it just makes more sense to me to get something she will grow into.

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We used to draw names in my DH's family. That has stopped after a couple of years ago when I asked for some "Ideas" for my nephew I was given a photo and weblink to a specific sweatshirt. I didn't purchase the sweatshirt right away as I was trying to space out my purchases due to money and everything. About 2 weeks later my SIL (his mother) called me up and said "are you getting him that sweatshirt or what bc if you aren't I have to get it right away".

 

Point is I asked for ideas, not specifics. Shopping for someone is no fun when they tell you what to buy. It gets to be so specific that who cares, it is as personal as giving cash at that point so we stopped the gift exchange after that and after same SIL and her D hounded me about getting SIL an electric toothbrush that same year. Again, if you need it that bad then just stinking buy it for yourself. I get no thrill out of just choosing the color of your toothbrush. I do like to buy people things that they will like and use but when it becomes a "buy me this bc I will like nothing else" thing then it really just dampens the spirit of the season. Worst thing is this particular family is complaining louder than anyone about not drawing names anymore!!

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(Not bragging, very lucky) I was blessed with the ability to buy things folks really like. I pay attention to what they like or they mention they need throughout the year. It is a wonderful feeling for someone to open a gift I got them and say something like, "I can't believe you remembered I said that." Once in a while I just get a funky look though.

 

Very seldom do I ask for ideas because I hate to be asked. Like most of you, folks just ignore what I say and buy what they want. That's fine, but just get it. You don't need to ask me. :)

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I completely agree with the OP. (Btw, I am very grateful for my entire life as it is.)

 

Here are a few issues we had last year. A family member (one we see on a pretty much daily basis) asks me what to get my daughter (then 11yo). I said anything as long as it's not pink. She hates pink, simple as that. Well, what does she get...a pink shirt. The family member says.."I know she may not like it but I thought it was cute." My dd was very nice about it and said thank you but when we got home I could tell she was dissapointed. :(

 

So, to the OP...I can relate.:rolleyes:

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I think you all are taking this too hard, Lists are lists, they are a guideline, they are not set in stone, Then there are people who buy from their heart, not your heart but theirs, Last year my two sisters both in different states brought my 7 year old DS games, they were great games but they problem was he didnt have a DS. Easy solution I took all the games to walmart got him a gift card and he picked out what he wanted. Yes he was disapointed but he had fun picking new games and it was solved very easy. life is too short to make a mountain out of a mole hill
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On one hand, I agree that lists are suggestions- I dont expect everything on my list. But, when I give an idea to someone off of my family members lists, I dont get that for them then, and if it was something that they wanted more than other things it is important. For our family, our lists have things we would not buy for ourselves on a normal day because we dont just go out and buy everything we want all of the time. That is part of the fun of christmas, and it is exciting when you are going to get something you might not splurge on for yourself.

 

I do feel though that it is part of growing up to get gifts from grandparents, etc. that you might not like, or are little kiddish, so you can learn to still say thank you and be respectful- I think a lot more kids need to learn how to do this and not act spoiled. My son always acts appreciative for his gifts, even when he was 10 and received a preschool tool bench at a restaurant (in public!) as a gift from his great-grandparents and was totally embarrassed- I knew he was, but he didnt act like it in front of them because he knew it would make them feel bad. Sometimes those are the best lessons in life.

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This post made me sad.

My FIL didn't see my 7yo son until he was six months old... Then he just insulted us for the name we chose for him (Andrew). He's named after my husband's mom, who passed away when he was a kid. My FIL was insulted that we didn't name him Reid (HIS middle name.)

He calls us every year to tell us what he wants for Christmas and what we should fix him for Christmas dinner. Whenever we see him, he insults my parenting right in front of my kids! He can't believe I have the nerve to take them to the doctor if they are sick or need immunizations. He actually told my daughter that medical doctors are mean and just want to put poison in our bodies! I also walked in on a conversation where he was telling my kids Jesus wasn't a real person and they should tell me they don't want to go to church anymore.

I think I know just what I'll put in his mashed potatoes this year ... ;)

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All other post aside I had to comment on the Timberland sweater. My oldest DS is also into skater styles and I think he'd literally GAG if he opened a Timberland sweatshirt!! I am so sorry!! Maybe you can do as PP stated and "buy" the Macy's credit from him so he can get something different? Or better yet call your mom and tell her he JUST got the same SS from someone else so she can return it already ;)

 

As for the throw, regift it. I cannot imagine her getting the SAME thing every year that would be annoying!

 

Yes this is the season of giving and all but it is nice when the person buying actually considers the persons interest when buying for them..Like with MY dad. He sends the kids giftcards each year that decrease in value each year (this year they will get $15 I think) His excuse is he doesn't know them well enough to buy gifts! Well the first clue would be to TRY to get involved but since he has never even seen my 4yr old that probally isnt happening. My second thought is why even bother? If you want to buy my kids things because you love them and want to give them something they enjoy GREAT but if you don't know them well enough to get them something they'd like and your just buying for the sake of "having" to buy then don't bother. Honestly I'd rather my dad go to Dollar Tree and spend $1 on something my kids would like because he knew them then get them the best $200 dream present...Not to mention these days usually money comes outta MY POCKET to even let them redeem thier Walmart GC's because of the price of things!! (sorry for the mini rant point being if your just buying outta of obligation PLEASE don't bother!)

 

My only gripe is my MIL buys WAY more for BILs kids because they have less, which BTW is hard to believe since both BIL and DH work at the same job making the same salary and both SIL and I are SAHM's! But I don't mind MIL buying them more but she could as least make sure it isn't all given to them in front of my kids!!! Kids don't understand something like that, and I am talking DD gets a stuffed animal (she is almost SEVEN!) and thier kids get Santa sized things and clothing...

I was talking about this post ...
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my brother and i always ask what our kids are into and we get just what the other one says to get. what's the point if your just going to get what you want any way. i think it makes it easier if they tell me what to get, then i don't beat myself over the head trying to find something that they'll like or if they have it already. i hate it when you ask someone and they say nothing or anything will be fine. WT? i don't want an answer like that. tell me what you want darn it! lol
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I usually give people a general idea when they ask. I don't give specifics. DD is into polly pockets, barbie, disney princesses, etc. So when someone asks what to get her I just tell them anything in that area. I do that for myself too. If someone asks what I need/want I just tell them I love candles, bath products, picture frames etc. That way it gives them ideas but still free to pick out what they want to get (without feeling like you are telling them) and then they know where to start. Plus if you honestly don't know the budget then you don't want to make someone feel obligated to buy out of their price range.
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I completely feel your pain. On the flip side, my MIL never asks. She gets clothing the wrong sizes and says "I'll just leave the tags on so you can exchange them" Great, just what I want to do! plus they've probably been on sale 10 times since she bought them so I get the lowest price for them because she doesn't save the receipts. I tried to get to her early this year, emailing her the kids sizes. I get a response "I already picked up this and that, but I left the tags on them" GRRR....She bought all 3 boys fleece blankets this year too. She's the type that buys stuff AND THEN decides who to give it to. I'm the opposite, I try to buy something hand picked for the individual. Oh well, what can you do? lol

 

Merry Christmas!

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LOL

 

I always had that same problem with my MIL, now that he is 20 she just sends him a check, thank goodness, but I understand the feelings of frustration because when he was little and wanted a specific toy and I told her which one to get and she said ok, then I didn't get it and neither did she, really hurt me when my son didn't get what he wanted. I would buy the gift card from your son and just hold on to it and give the money to him, then use the gift card when you have to buy your MIL something. Merry Christmas everyone.

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since we are all sharing MIL stories....Here's mine..

My daughter is now 11. For at least 3 or 4 Christmas's now my MIL and BIL, SIL have bought clothes for my daughter at Christmas. As I mentioned my daughter is 11 a MAJOR tomboy and weighs 150. She's in womens size clothes so it is VERY obvious when you see her that childrens clothing doens't fit. So my story husband's family members get her girls size 10-12. UMMMM duh...not gonna fit. So rather than giving us a receipt to exchange this stuff. They say well it will fit Alex (one of the neices) so just give it to her. No lie...this has happened many times...my daughter giving up stuff to her cousin and leaving empty handed. How do you explain that to an 11yr old that already has self esteem issues. And NO they never ask for suggestions or sizes. Kinda like they don't even care. So that's my gripe for the day.

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A list is a guideline. Shopping for a gift should be fun. But if I buy a gift that I am pretty sure the person I am giving it to will not like it, then why the heck am I buying a gift?

 

Some people hate buying items on a list...it is like asking for something and getting it...it doesn't involve a lot of thought. Very true...however how is buying a gift for someone and then picking those things that they dislike greatly a good thing?

 

My MIL always bought my kids presents in stores that we did not have in the area we lived. Then she cut off all the tags. I never understood that. She never asked sizes so the kids couldn't wear the clothes. I have a boy and a girl so the clothes weren't appropriate to the other one. So didn't she just give money to a store and give us a donation to Goodwill?

 

This year, MIL sent my kids gift cards and one article of clothing. First year ever she attached a receipt. DS's sweater was too big and he didn't like it. Luckily I work in a town almost 2 hours away that has the store she purchased it at. So I attempt to return it. Not sure what she used to purchase it but I only got a gc. Son was not along so I wandered this dept store for a while to find something on which to use the gc. Finally found some stuff and paid my $10 extra and out I went.

 

For DD, she sent a fleece vest in the color pink. My dd hates pink and my mil knows that. The receipt was attached to that one also but guess what? The store is 5 hours away from our home. I did email the store and they stated they have no time limit on returns. I guess we will see once the spring thaw hits.

 

The ds son sweater wasn't so bad. But a pink vest for a girl that hates pink?

 

So yes, I understand. It isn't that you are not thankful, it is that some people do not give gifts for the giftee....they give gifts so they look good. It is hard to be thankful when the person giving the gifts is thoughtless.

 

And I get it this time of the year. I count my blessings daily. And I think that is one of the reasons, crappy thoughtless gifts hurt my feelings...cuz they weren't sent with love...they were sent out of obligation.

 

Don't want a gift out of obligation...I would rather have nothing.

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MIL doesn't buy my kids anything...ever. She hasn't even seen them in over 3 years, and she lives 10 minutes away. FIL has NEVER seen ds5, and only seen ds17 a couple of times when he was like 2 maybe for the last time. No loss because dh and I both agree our kids are better without knowing them.
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